Moped For Sale

Here I was, out-of-doors in warmish weather, merrily enjoying my garden and thinking of driving five miles to Home Depot for a hoe. Little did I know that later this evening while merrily noodling around on the Internet (I'm a merry person), I'd be sunk back into my winter doldrums after happening upon the the dour prediction of... (drum roll )

Peak Oil

And soon. 2005? 2010? What's the difference? I'm nowhere near knowing how to grow wheat or tan leather.

And just when the hubby and I were considering buying a little motorscooter on which to scoot around at a lovely 80 miles per gallon.

Pfft.

Peanuts. Saving the Titanic with a teaspoon. A thimble, even. A moped-shaped thimble.

So...now here's my question:

Do I

a) stock up on Xanax
b) stock up on peanut butter and wind proof matches
c) learn how to identify edible grasses
d) liquidate my assets and buy-in on my sister's farm ("Hi Sis!" sheepishly grinning)
e) where I will collect edible grasses for the family
f) and herd my sheep
g) or, just crawl under my petroleum-based desk chair and sob
h) or, all of the above

Well...I dont' know about all of you, but I'm taking one last spin around the world (stopping quickly at Home Depot) and then I'm learning how to knit...food.

Knit food.

And screw the lawn this year. Merry me, worried about getting seed down and having the lawnmower serviced. Forget that. I'm getting a head of sheep, let them graze on the front 1/8 acre, make sheep's milk cheese, knit a sweater shaped like...a gallon of gas. Or a hamburger.

Herd of sheep on my front lawn. Our house doesn't have much curb appeal anyway. Might as well really piss off the neighbors.

Sorry to come back and post about Armageddon. I find that the best way to calm my panic is to spread it around liberally.

By the way, if you click through on some of the links, you might come across a really good recipe for acorn. Not acorn stew, or acorn a la king, or acorn on the half shell. Just acorn. Oh, and pine needle tea. Plenty of vitamin C in pine needles.

I mean, surviving Armageddon only to come down with scurvy is just insult added to injury.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

jozie,

please put a link on your site for your sisters blog. I can't remember the name and can't find the link in your text.

Ps. you totaly freaked me out with this oil thing. I just read the whole thing and ended up linking myself onto a hide tanning site. At this point I knew I needed to stop.

Cuz E

Jozet said...

Eh-hem....didn't you just buy some acerage, too? Listen, when oil goes to $200 a barrel - or perhaps sooner - I'm willing to move my family up as hired hands.

Serfs, even.

Until that fateful day, you want me to learn hide tanning, it's done. Although, I think I have enough clothes for all of us for at least the next 50 years. Perhaps I'll learn candle and soap making.

Sissy's website toute suite.

Josette

Jozet said...

Acreage? There is a dictionary sitting right here, but I'd have to move my coffee from on top of it.

Josette

anne said...

Sis-

In the interest of not going all Chicken Little here, I am just going to say this: Get on the waiting list for the book The Long Emergency due out, I think, in April (you may have seen my comment on this on the debate place). You will not only want to learn how to tan a hide but kill a deer with your bare hands.
And if you really want something to strike fear in your heart and action in your soul, start looking into water supply issues. It will inspire you to find a Ford Falcon XB coupe (ala Mad Max) and convert it to a biodiesel.
I guess it doesn't help my state of mind that I just watched a documentary on the French Revolution...

anne said...

Sorry about all the deletes. I tried to post and it kept giving me an error and then, all of a sudden like, there were a bazillion of them!

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