Two Things


Guess I do have a few more years to perfect acorn stew.

Second, a little FYI for the ladies:

If you're out in your yard - let's say ripping up pokeweed roots and digging beds for your Victory Garden - and suddenly remember that you have to swing by the school RIGHT NOW to drop off the order form for the PTO candy fundraiser; and, you know that you have to presently present yourself to a roomful of perfectly coiffed women with clean smiles and buffed nails; and, you're PMSing (the PMSing is probably the swing factor in all this) and already feel like a schlub without the dirt-stained dungarees, fifteen-year-old Wellies, and compost caked fingers. But you don't have time to change....

Well, girls, listen to me when I tell you that in an instant, your manured mitts could say "Main Line" and your grubby boots shout "Martha!". And all it takes - really, I promise you - is one pair of fake pearl earrings. I mean, who would wear pearls when they look like a swine? The answer is clear: someone who must clean-up well.

Yessir...I bought my "pearls" a year or two ago, have bathed only, really, a handful of times since then, and yet the saleswomen at Talbots still smile at me. And believe me, I've been in there plenty of times without the pearls, and forget one is selling me a twin set that day. However, I still haven't impressed the chicks at the makeup counters. What's it going to take, a cubic zirconia! Huh.

And yeah, I said Talbots. So what. I used to turn all Sylvia Plath every once-a-month. Manic-depressive is infinitely more enjoyable as Audrey Hepburn.

And for your information, I've never actually bought a twin set at Talbots.

I've only inhaled.

1 comment:

Jeannine said...

For the under 5' set, I strongly recommend jade in place of pearls. Nobody is going to mistake me for Main Line ever, pearls or no pearls -- though it must be said that I am certifiably enrollable in the DAR and the UDC which Martha surely is not, lol.

Still, if one must go about looking like the half breed brat that one surely is, one finds that a really nice jade set causes retail personnel to sit up and take notice. That little touch of ethnic, you see.

I agree with whatsisface on the whale oil problem which will surely bring civilization to a crashing halt any day now.

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