Whip It Good

Another quickie....

I'm going to be away for a week.

As a courtesy, I'm asking that no one, please, rob my house.

Or, if you do break in to my house, PLEASE do NOT shut the basement door while you're in there. The cat's litter box is in the basement, and if you think it will upset me more to see my 24" television gone than to come home to a house full of cat scat, well, what can I say other than you're very, very wrong.

While I'm gone, I suggest that you check out the links to the right. All my very favorite writers live over there, and they've got some juicy bits to chew on.

Juicy bits...?

I have no idea where that came from. It's late. I'm high on caffeine.

And speaking of high... don't tell my mom, but for the first time in 25 years, I almost did a whip-it. I don't know what I was thinking. My neighbor came to the door with some leftovers from the neighborhood picnic, and he handed me three heads of lettuce, an onion, and a can of non-dairy whipped topping. I never buy those cans of non-dairy whipped topping anymore...mostly because I remember that during high school, one of my friends who worked at a Stop-and-Go convenience store told me that when it was a slow night, the cashiers used to take turns opening the whipped cream cans, sucking-in the nitrous oxide, and then sticking their heads in the freezer.

Then, they would put the cans back on the shelf.

And sell them.

So, anyway, there I am, standing in my kitchen, a 38 year old mother of two children, and I have the whipped cream can in my hand. And I'm thinking back fondly on those times when some kids defined fun  as "the temporary interruption of the flow of oxygen to your brain during which time you laugh like a lunatic for ten seconds while all your friends stand around laughing at you laughing like a lunatic and, possibly, you hit your head on the coffee table and knock yourself out ".

And even knowing that I might fall over and now knock myself out on the dishwasher handle, I was still almost going to do it. That's how much of an idiot I can be.

However, I then noticed that the cat was watching me.

You know that look some cats give. That smug half-lid smirk. That look that says "I may poo in a box and lick my own rear, but if I stand here long enough, I just know you'll do something equally ridiculous. I'm waiting. This should be good."

So instead, I sprayed the cat with whipped cream.

Smart ass.


Then, I made a bong out of the onion.

Just kidding.

So, like I was saying...I'm off!

Check out my blogging buds. And also check out http://www.missdoxie.com/ It's another rip-roaringly funny writer that me sister turned me on to.

Ciao! For now!

2 comments:

Bradley Cooper, Winemaker said...

The feed works great! I cranked up the Sharpreader this morning with my steamy cup of joe at my side and all my favourite blogs automatically loaded up any new entries.
And, lo, there was one from Halushki.
Have a great week away. (I didn't say "time-off" because you have children)
Cheers.

Om.powered said...

Oh dear me...whip-its.

I particularly liked that Doppler Effect, sound-warp thing that happened to your hearing.

Not that I, um, know first hand. I only *heard* about it.

Try to enjoy your ssdd-out-of-the-home-week, and I hope nobody steals your cat scat while you're gone!

xo

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