Random Thoughts 1.0

I just put this together for my daughters:

It is called Playmobil.

It is made in Germany, I believe.

Here is what the assembly schematic looks like:

It took me ten hours and two Hyland’s Calm Forte tablets to put it together, during which time I also threw a shoe at the wall, cursed my inadequate American science education, and smashed all my Wagner CDs. After drinking half a stale Beck's, I then regrouped, donned a black turtleneck and slicked my hair back with the Kurbiskern Ol (pumpkin seed oil) my friend from Berlin sent me, and cranked-up Kraftwerk’s Trans-Europe Express so loud that our neighbor’s BMW started itself in excited anticipation.

At last, it was finished.

And the stinking drawbridge will remain installed upside-down.

I’m more Polish than German, anyway.


I just had a slice of what I think is the worst pizza ever.

My children say it is the best they’ve ever tasted.

God…you think you know some people.


My children are playing with the Playmobil knights and castle right now. The catapult is a big hit.

From what I’m overhearing, Prima is directing some sort of extremely violent battle-slash-wedding and all while humming the Darth Vader theme music, and I have decided:

She will never, ever, ever be allowed to undergo any sort of psychological analysis in the form of play therapy.


I have a sore throat and a low fever.

I need, immediately, to do more snuggling-up and now and with a Jamocha shake from Arby’s. This is the only thing that will make me feel better.

Oh. And any movie with Hugh Grant being especially charming.

And a pedicure. I've only had two pedicures in my entire life, and both were sinfully wonderful. In fact, the pedicures were so luxuriously extravgant and I felt so horribly guilty spending money on my mangy toes, that the entire time my callouses were being buffed, I had to turn my thoughts to the pain and adversity of the children raised in the brothels of Calcutta to make myself feel bad while feeling so good.

So, you see, I too suffer.

Anyway...Jamocha shake, Hugh Grant and a pedicure.

Nothing else will do.


For the past three nights, I dreamt that I won the lottery, but lost the ticket.

Last night, I even got smart and in my dream, I photocopied the ticket.

But then I got fired for utlizing corporate time and equipment for a non-work related use, and my butt was kicked out the door before I could retrieve my winning ticket from the scanner.

Because that is what happens in some dreams.

It’s not all me flying around my high school field house during homecoming and finally getting the attention I've always craved and deserved, or being Madonna’s best friend and vacationing in her Wiltshire home.

Uh…did I just say that out loud?

I didn’t think so.

Just some random thinking.


Momma Star said...

Jamocha shakes fueled my entire first pregnancy. All that got me was a ten pound baby. ;)

Anonymous said...

Hehheh - my DH has gotten obsessed with Playmobil castles (with the helpful funding of my in-laws)! Jacob has the one you assembled and the newer (bigger) version. DH adores pputting them together - I stay out of the way! Curiously, one of the knights has been christened "John McEnroe" by my son, who, as far, as I know has never seen a televised tennis match, let alone on ESPN Classic!

ninjapoodles said...

"And the stinking drawbridge will remain installed upside-down."

HA! I love this! Would you believe I found you through your comment at dooce? That's right. And no, I didn't come anywhere near reading even a fraction of them, just had the good chance to read this one.

This is a great blog, glad I found it!

Anonymous said...

We have one of theose Playmobil castles too. I spent all of one Christmas Day assembling it. They dis-assemble very easily though (mostly when you don't want them to).


Anonymous said...

The playmobil thing - hilarious. My daughter is into cars - and I want to get her a matchbox track thingy - but god help me if I have to put it together...

And... I love the dreams. You're a good problem solver, eh. I had a dream two nights ago that the Tom Half of TomKat asked me to be a labor assistant. I politely refused. LOL. I still can barely look at him now.

kaliroz said...

Ah, Jamocha shakes. How I do love them.

Vajana said...

came from Dooce and liked your comment...but I am boycotting your blog because don't you know that Playmobil castles are WRONG and EVIL and you obviously do not love your children!!!!

(btw, Playmobil people were in my top 10 favorite toys of all time.)

(and David Hasselhoff is huge in Germany)

josetteplank.com said...

But, but, but…

our castle is working toward becoming an anarcho-syndicalist commune in which everyone take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal Affairs, and Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

And the dungeon is solar powered!


And please don't tell me that Jamocha shakes make ten pound babies...I'm...I'm scared. ;)

Anonymous said...

You should have had some efficient German sex after you were done putting together the Playmobil. Or maybe you did.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, when people give my kid someting that I have to put together I have to plaster on the most fake smile and do my best imitation thank you ever.

i hate putting together that stuff!

Congratulations- you should get an AWARD for most patient and competent mommy!

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