Four-Year-Old's Song for a Rainy Day

Three chords, Fender Stratocaster played through Marshall stack
Drums: many

Volume: 11

Watch me, Mommy! Look here, Mommy!
Watch me do this! Look at me!
Wanna know what? I am hungry!
Mommy! Now I hafta pee!

Mommy, guess what? Now I’m thirsty!
Can I pour the milk, can I?
Uh-oh, Mommy, now I spilled it!
Don’t worry, Mommy, it will dry!

Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy,
mommy, mommy, mommy;
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy? Mommy?
(Repeat 42 times.)

Mommy, I can do a cartwheel!
Mommy, watch me, one more time!
Mommy, what’s that stuff you’re typing?
When’s it my turn? Can I try?

CHORUS (Repeat until you can reach cooking sherry on top shelf and pour a glass.)


Mooooommmmmmmyyyyy! There’s a bug on the table!
Mooooommmmmmmyyyyy? How old is God?
Mooooommmmmmmyyyyy! You pretend you‘re the evil fairy queen -
who tries to capture all the mermaid princesses and I’m the mermaid princess and you chase me around and try to capture me but you can‘t swim and I swim too fast and you can‘t catch me but you keep trying! You keep trying! YOU KEEP TRYING!
Mooooommmmmmmyyyyy! Mooooooooooommmmmyyyyyyyy!

Mommy, I can count to thirty!
Mommy, I can write my name!
Mommy, look! I caught the kitty!
Mommy! Kitty bit my leg!

Mommy, Mommy, let me hug you!
Mommy, you smell like a pear!
Mommy, Mommy, I sure love you.
Ouch, my undies are up my butt!

CHORUS (Repeat until bedtime.)

Smash guitar.

Kiss child goodnight.


Anonymous said...

gasping for breath... choking on laughter... losing oxygen... can't see screen... oh. no, wait, nevermind. it was just trying to hibernate because I've been SITTING HERE FOR TWO HOURS, even though I'm supposed to be working. ya think you could be about, oh, 63% less funny, senorita Halushki, so's I wouldn't be tempted to read every damn word you've ever bothered to collect on this blog? thanks. that would be nice. 'k. gotta go. husband is doing my job right now, because he thinks I'll be sitting here all. fricking. night. yeah. I'm gonna show him, too. just as... soon.. as I.. get up and... only two more blogs to finish reading.. almost. dammit.

Michael Plank said...

She's not tryin' to cause a big sen-sation,
just talkin' 'bout her g-generation

Sandra said...

I think she and my four year old could go on tour together. He has a rendition of that said tune that has at least 42 mommy, mommy, mommy's in it too!!

Funny post. Thanks for introducing me to your fabulous blog!

Anonymous said...


If I had a child, I'd teach him/her this song because...really...brilliant!!


wordgirl said...

I know that song! But the Mommy refrain is technically sung 64's just that the last part increases in speed and so it's hard to count accurately. The rest is dead on.

Mom101 said...

Oh man I am laughing so hard. Would you do me a favor and get this published? Please? I could imagine the Talking Heads picking it up...

Imzadi said...!

nadzent said...

Why don't you bring her over here and let cuz'e record that little ditty? he could use a dose of 4 year old.

Anonymous said...

Karen shared this with me and its perfect! Except our verse would say "Mommy can you be Robin and I'll be batman and fred (the cat) can be the joker and we can fight some crime and race around in the batmobile but then we can be power rangers too? Hope all is well with you and yours!
Samalee (ikesmama)

Katie Burke said...

Oh god - this absolutely cracked me up. I just found your blog and love, love, love it. Can't wait to read more.

"My undies are up my butt" ... priceless.

Her Bad Mother said...

Oh GAWD with the laughing!

Brilliant. Truly brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Jozet....again, you hit the "Mommy" nail on the head. What a witty broad you are! And DH isn't too far behind!

S.T. said...

Ha ha! My five year old knows that song, too.

Suburban Turmoil said...

Oh, this was brilliant. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!

a said...


Anonymous said...


Suburban Correspondent said...


Kristine said...

I so just sang that to myself as I read it.

Now I have the chorus going through my head.

Make it stop, make it stop!

unmitigated me said...

As a mother of six, my mom once cried in desperation, "Call me Sarah!" And it wasn't even her name.

Anonymous said...

Commandment number 11....Thou shalt NOT smash a Fender Stratocaster into a Marshall Stack.

Unknown said...

OMG...I just found you blog today, a friend sent me the link. I have lost a good hour of work time and just about choked on a pop tart laughing. All I can say is I'm so glad to have found rock!

ChurchPunkMom said...

Can I sing it with you? I don't have a guitar.. but I do have one of those recorder flutes.. I think it might lend itself nicely to the theme here.

I'm thinking this might be best performed as a hardcore screamo song.

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