Holiday! Celebrate! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Well, I’m off!

We’re off!

My two lovely daughters and very-pregnant I are off on holiday for four fun-filled days!

(By the way, that’s not really me all big and pregnant with my belly sticking out. That’s Madonna all big and pregnant with her belly sticking out. But, we look so much alike *cough cough* and there are already so many photos of her out there, I figured why waste the film.)

I like saying “holiday” instead of “vacation”. I like calling it a “holiday” because it makes me feel more cosmopolitan. More cultured and worldly.

“We’re going on holiday!”

People just assume you’re going somewhere fabulous like the Basque coast or Mykonos, where you’ll romp in the cultured and worldly sun wearing a white crocheted bikini and drinking limoncello. Or, heck, they might even assume you’re going to Brighton to walk the pier and drink shandies, or to Blackpool to ride the donkeys and drink shandies.

Say “vacation” around here and people immediately assume the Jersey Shore and jellyfish and vomiting teenagers.

Which, actually, doesn’t sound half bad.

If they had donkey rides at Wildwood, NJ, I might be half-tempted.

As it is, I’m not going anywhere half as exotic as New Jersey.

(I think I have one too many halves. I may have to take another holiday to use them all up.)

So where are we going on holiday?

We’re going here!



To romantic and picturesque Schuylkill County!

Oh, the allure of the strip mines!



Retrace history as you travel along Rt. 61 from Ashland, home of the Pioneer Tunnel mine tour and lokie ride



and then drive through to Frackville, town of large pie ladies and scary man-faced children



and then into Pottsville, the county seat and site of Yuengling Brewery, America’s oldest maker of beer (or so they say.)



(I have no idea who that guy is, but everyone in Schuylkill County has either a cousin, brother or uncle who looks just like him. Or they sat next to him at a bar last Friday. And I’m betting his name is either Larry or Daryl or Scrappy.)

We’re holidaying in Schuylkill County at my family’s villa in the mountaintop hamlet of Frackville, where we’ll romp in cut-off jean shorts and bare feet (a.k.a.“hillbilly flip flops“) while sipping Frank’s ginger ale from jelly jars. We’ll relax on the shores of Locust Lake and swim in the clear beauty of its trout-laden waters alongside guys in hip waders and women with “Git R Done” tattoos across the top of their buttocks. We’ll spend long evenings sitting on the front porch eating teaberry ice cream and counting cars - you get a point for every blue car, I get a point for every white car - until the siren goes off at the volunteer fire station, and then we all take bets on how many volunteer fire fighters in pick-up trucks speed by in the following ten minutes on their way to the firehouse.

Ahhhhhh…I jest!

I love going home!

I love being free to let it all hang out for a few days in a town where almost no one will recognize me (or count it against me at the PTO meeting if I should say something like “Look it, are yous comin‘ wit me ta the pizzah parlor er not? I ain't waitin around! Da pizzahs will be cold by the time I get der!”)

And those who do recognize me will most likely also remember what I looked like in ninth grade. So, even with my waddling stomach, pasty thighs, and perpetual ponytail, it’s such a vast improvement over the fuzzy perm, oversized plastic glasses, and plaid jumper from freshman year, I might as well be a pop star on holiday.

It’s all good.

I just wanted to let yous all know where I’m goin’ fer the next few days. My mom doesn’t have da Innernet (well, dial-up on a 12-year-old computer, so really, we‘re talkin' glorified doorstop) and I’ll be off da grid until Friday. However, I’m bringing a lap top and promise to jot down all our goings-on for future publication.

Until then…

Ciao! Arrivederci! Bon Voyage! Bob’s Your Uncle!

See yous later! Ain’t yo!

20 comments:

Chase said...

You say "git er done tattoos" like it's a bad thing.

Have fun on your trip!

Lindsay said...

have a WONDERFUL time!

Alexa said...

I think I am too frightened by the Pie Lady & Man Child to formulate a coherent comment.
Er...Have a happy vacation!

motherhooduncensored said...

MMMMmmmm Yuengling. Dude. Why go there when you are preggers? That is soooo cruel.

The beer of choice for all PA-folks and rightfully so.

I dated a guy in Bloomsburg for years. Weeeeeee... have fun lady.

Dani said...

Have fun. My very "wordly" Aunt who lived in England for a whole two years still calls it "holiday" too. Enjoy.

Momma Star said...

On my next holiday, I'm heading out your way and booking us for chocolate bubblebaths at the Hershey spa.

Yes?

Siuan said...

for some reason sipping ginger ale from jelly jars sounds like heaven.

Have a great time!

cuz E said...

Yo Cuz,

I recomend pick-a-pack in Mahanoy City. Youz guys can get quarts for $1.75 a piece but be warry of the server lady, she may nod off while givin youz yer change. Got the coldest beer ever. colder than the catawissa creek, colder than sleddin on Chinkeys hill, Colder than keg parties in January.

And the whole pregnant thing and drinin', that don't count in Schuylkill county. If you ain't drinkin yangs, you'll die of thirst.

lildb said...

I am looking forward to your return more than I look forward to the haagen daz bar I'll be eating at the end of the day. That's some high praise.

May your childrens' feet be like Hobbits' (well, without the hair).

Mrs. Chicky said...

His name is Larry. Definitely, Larry.

Have fun on your holiday!

Julie Pippert said...

Well now...what does it say about ME that I "holiday" up to see YOU?!?! LOL

I am just escaping, in advance, the usual hurricanes (the edge of which we got today as it so happens) and the Hitchcockian mosquitos.

Stephanie T. said...

Oh no! What am I going to do without my Jozet fix??

Well, have a fantastically fun and relaxing time (and thanks a lot for the nightmares I'll now have thanks to Pie Lady and Man-Face Child).

Imzadi said...

Have fun Babalicious!

We'll all be here when youse get back.

Jess Riley said...

Have a fantastic holiday! We'll be eagerly anticipating your return. I leave for my own holiday next Tuesday. Ahhhh, sweet, sweet holidays.

wordgirl said...

Gah!! Everyone's leaving! I feel so...alone. Have a Black & Tan for me..only makes yours a non-alcoholic one.

PSoTD said...

the brewery is a great tour, and its FREE! with FREE BEER!

there's nothing else you need to know. FREE!

leahpeah said...

with his belly showing like that, i'm pretty sure his friends call him Pecs.

Meredth said...

Man, I know you're country. We just hailed from a three-year adventure in Wilkes-Barre. Nothing like coal country to get your holiday done right!

nonlineargirl said...

I just found you via your MOTW-ness. Congratulations!

Part of my family is from Pottsville (others are from Mt Carmel and Shamokin) and my grandparents lived in Harrisburg the last 30 or so years of their lives. The slag-mountains sound like a great vacation spot!

Cousin Kelly said...

funny. we were just up the coal strippens in New Boston with Vince (who looks like the guy in the pic)takin our dogs out to train them on birds on Monday. We cooked out and drank a 30 pack of beer all before 11:00 A.M. Then we headed off to the Morea Water dam to go swimming wit our dawgs.

I heart Schuylkill County and sweet pizza!!!

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