Mother of the Week


What the…?!

After all my moaning and whining about not receiving any blue ribbons or tiaras or certificates of achievement since grade school, I suddenly find myself thrust into the limelight by the good women of Crazy Hip Blog Mamas.

(Okay, okay…maybe squeaky wheel gets the grease.)

Truly, truly I am honored.

I love writing and it’s wonderful to know that somewhere out there is someone - a small bunch of someone’s - who is reading and enjoying what I’m putting down. Award or no, anytime a reader tells me that I’ve made them laugh or giggle or crack a smile, I feel a little more sure that I’ve somehow earned the bit of Halushki-shaped real estate that I take up on this planet, that I’m not using up precious oxygen for no good reason.

So, sincerely, from the bottom of my laptop, thank you all very much.

Now…what a week to be voted Mother of the Week.

Tomorrow Today (damned procrastination -- Ed.) is Seconda’s birthday party and I had intended to go all Martha Stewart with the theme of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, creating pink tulle wings for all the girls and angel food cupcakes decorated in butter cream icing with the likeness of Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth and Mustardseed. The party was to begin at twilight as my husband, dressed as Puck, pranced about the yard twittering upon his pan flute while the girls danced barefoot beneath rosy arbors, the fireflies darting hither and thither amongst flaxen ringlets. We’d have played well-organized games of Higgeldy-Figgeldy and Twirls O’ Twinkles and Loop-the-Lolly-Loo, and then as the last rays of sunshine slanted through the white pines… There! Appearing through the evening mists! A white unicorn with glittering rainbow hooves!

Oh such laughter and squeals of delight were never heard before!

A birthday party to remember and, verily, the work of a Mother of the Week!

However, that a party like that would take a lot of planning.

And money.

And a unicorn.

And lately, I haven’t had the energy to encourage my daughters change from their pajamas before noon, let alone convince my husband to dress like a goat-footed piper.

It’s hot here. And humid. And I have someone’s feet in my lungs making it very difficult to do anything other than huff and puff from chair to chair and sigh, “Honey, get Mama a glass of sweet tea, there’s a dear.”

So, I’ve slacked-off and the party will instead be themed Fairy Free-For-All. The guests will arrive around dinner time, eat pizza, make flowered fairy wands, and then be encouraged to run wild for an hour and a half, perhaps occasionally beating each other with the wands. There will be some tears, much laughing, and if all goes well, around sunset the cat will make an appearance from beneath the shrubbery and the girls will commence to chase it through the yard for the final half hour. We’ll sing Happy Birthday and cut the Tinkerbell cake that I ordered from the Giant supermarket, after which it will be just about time to hand over eight sugar-crazed, wand-wielding fairies to their parents, and time for me to sit down again, long and hard and with a “whoompf” sound.

On second thought, both parties sound like fun, don't they?

Who doesn’t love beating other party guests with wands?

I never liked Loop-the-Lolly-Loo, anyway. As a child. I was always lollying instead of looping, and next thing you know I was on my butt with a patent leather party shoe in the punch.

So maybe, after all, this is a good week to be awarded the Mother of the Week title.

I mean, I don’t want to set the bar to high for myself.

In fact, now that I’ve been bestowed the title MOTW, I can relax a little.

Next birthday, the party theme will simply be “MUD!”


In other news, I need to mention that my Internet service is down completely. Oh the irony of receiving a blog award and having no access to my blog! It’s kinda funny if you think about it.

Okay, it’s not.

At this time, however, I do also need to mention that DSL customer service SUCKS GOAT FEET!

Pardon my French. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more poetic, what with just being recognized with a blog writer award and all.

My darling husband is at this moment doing me the biggest of favors by posting this entry from an undisclosed location which is not where he works. (Hi Honey! Thank you!) (As Vito Corleone once said, someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding birth day. -- Ed.)

I should be up-and-running again in seven to ten days, although I may be able to post now and again from the library. We’ll see. I suppose that I should also let people know that I’m also without email. How quaint! It’s like being Amish except without the bonnets and mules.

In the meantime - and in the spirit of Mother-of-the-Week-ness - here are a few links to blog entries gone by in which I wax poetic (sometimes literally) about that thing I do and do and do and do and do. Peruse at your convenience throughout the next few days. Don’t gobble these down all at once because I‘m not cooking any more tonight, what do you think I'm running here, a diner?


See what a great mom I am? I just can’t stop myself.


In which I write a poem about doing laundry

In which I take my children to Hershey Park on Good Friday and feel the wrath of God

In which I introduce my daughters to Speed Racer

In which I have a panic attack at the beach

In which my 4yo wrecks my car and says the "Sh" word

In which we go to Disney World and I don’t choke anyone


Lindsay said...

You totally deserve it!

Anonymous said...

Awesome lady! Congrats... And seriously verizon? UGH. Cable one is worse...

Anonymous said...

Congratulations - you take up all the oxygen you want, girl - reading your blog is often the highlight of my day (and sometimes the only laugh I get.) Also, you're breathing for two - really, take as much as you need! Sorry your DSL is down - you are welcome to use mine in the meantime. Looking forward to checking out the archives!

S.T. said...

Congrats again Jozet!!!

What a bummer about the internet service. I hope it's up and running soon.

Your post had me guffawing, as usual.

"And lately, I haven’t had the energy to encourage my daughters change from their pajamas before noon, let alone convince my husband to dress like a goat-footed piper."


wordgirl said...

I think the wand idea is fabulous!! Maybe part of the party could entail the making of fairy princess crowns with glue and glitter and those gigantic fake jewels. Maybe...

wordgirl said...

Wand beating...awesome!!

Momma Star said...


Anonymous said...

Congratulations, and I am soooo agreeing with you about the glitter--it's a menace, truly! Delightful blog--I'll be checking in with you frequently.

Anonymous said...

Congrats again!

Um...what's Loop-the-Lolly-Loo? said...

Thanks, all!

Loop-the-Lolly-Loo is a sort of stand in for any charming children's game played on green lawns for which every child - except me - seemed to understand the rules and found nothing butjoy in playing. Me...shoe in punch.

Note to Editor: I don't think there should be an apostrophe in someone's. That's just me and Lynn Truss speaking. I'm just a hair trigger with the apostrophe when I'm typing. Thanks, Guido.

Imzadi said...

Congratulations my good friend! I can't think of a more deserving soul.


Love ya!

Sandra said...

Congratulations!!! So well deserved. The only thing I am surprised by is that you weren't awarded this sooner :)

Dani said...

I’ve somehow earned the bit of Halushki-shaped real estate that I take up on this planet, that I’m not using up precious oxygen for no good reason.

Take a deep breath and fill those lungs! You just made me giggle several times.

KK said...

I'd give you the mommy award any day of the week. Congratulations!

Who else but you could work in fairy princesses, Don Corleone, and glitter all into one post. You made me guffaw. No lady like sympathy laugh here. Seriously, I'm glad I wasn't drinking at the time. A guffaw, how many people can lay claim to making me guffaw? Not many lady, not many.


Andie D. said...

Congratulations! First time visitor here - read your interview on CHBM and laughed out loud while drinking a Coke. Which caused me to choke, then laugh, then choke, then laugh again.

My kids now think I'm a freak. Actually, they know I'm a freak - this is just further proof.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Congrats, Halushki. You knows your onions, all right.

You thoroughly deserve this recognition.

Suburban Turmoil said...

Congratulations! You are a wonderfully hilarious writer. I'm glad to see you getting the attention you deserve.

And as for parties, I think the best ones for smallish children are the ones where not too many activities are planned and running wild is encouraged. :)

Good luck getting your Internet bak.

Her Bad Mother said...

I said it before and I'll say it again - CONGRATS!

Now, how do get MYSELF to a fairy-free-for-all? Sounds thrilling...

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! It's well-deserved.

Renée said...

You're a superstar, that is what you are, comin' from afar, reachin' for the stars.....come away with me to another place, we can rely on blah blah uh uh something something.

Congrats baby!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Congrats, you fantastic lady/party planner you.

I know you didn't go through with it, but when my birthday rolls around will you come with your unicorn and throw me a fairy party? ;)

Anonymous said...

As a (gasp!) father who reads you regularly...congratulations! Well-deserved...and I mentioned the honor over on my own blog at

jouettelove said...

hey babe, i am missing your writing and i hope you update soon ♥
p.s. congratulations again!

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