Three Odes To Trash Day

Ah the joys of trash day and obsessive-compulsive nesting!

There's nothing like a day of unsentimental purging to really bring out my creativity! Enjoy!

(With sincere apologies to William Carlos Williams, Shakespeare, and Joyce Kilmer)



This Is Just To Say

I have tossed out
the speakers
that were in
the basement

and which
you were probably
saving
for your dream career as a hip hop DJ

Forgive me
they were blocking
the cool white door
of my front
loader washer.



Let Me Not to the Old Clothes I Do Find

Let me not to the old clothes I do find
Admit impediments. Junk is not junk
Which alters when it suddenly brings to mind
Some old ex-boyfriend, ‘tho he was a hunk:
Oh no! it’s still an ugly pinstriped blouse
That’s cut too low and too big in the bust;
He only gave it to you (the big louse!)
Because his ex returned it in disgust.
What a cheap bastard! Why’d you ever stay?!
Okay, the sex was good, but otherwise…?
When you went out to eat he’d never pay;
You put up with less crap from other guys.
He was jerk-off, toss it in the trash:
Good riddance to the blouse and his sad ass.




Tchotchkes

I hoped that I should never see
A Precious Moments figurine.

A knick knack of a droop-eyed kid,
They freak me out and always did;

I got one once, from my dear aunt,
I keep it hid behind a plant;

But when she comes to visit me
I put it on top the TV;

Some think my gratitude just sucks;
I’m sure that thing cost thirty bucks.

Thirty dollars! What the heck?!
A five-inch chunk of porcelain dreck!

But I still keep it; that tells you what?
I’m not the heartless snob you thought.

So just back off, I‘m not so bad;
I couldn’t make my auntie sad.

Tho when my aunt does pass away
This thing is headed for eBay.



15 comments:

mamatulip said...

Those Precious Moments figurines freak me out too. I was helping Julia open a gift once from one of my husband's aunts -- it was a little plastic cup and bowl set, and as I opened it his aunt said she didn't know what Julia might like. I said something like, "As long as it's not Precious Moments!" and laughed.

It was Precious Moments.

motherhooduncensored said...

Oh the speakers. Hahahaha. What is it with them? God. We have a whole freaking turntable in our house. I used it as a coffee table.

Chase said...

Hahhaha! Fantastic!

Your brilliance...it blinds me....I...I cannot see!

Veronica Mitchell said...

Excellent. I particularly liked the sonnet.

Momma Star said...

You are perfection.

mothergoosemouse said...

I hate hate HATE Precious Moments. They should have been on my Top 20 Things I Hate list.

lildb said...

Jo - dude. woah. and yow.

you drip genius when you sweat, huh.

p.s. precious moments *used* to remind me of trips to the xtian bookstore when I was a kid (fun!), but now I just think of that sketch on SNL from a few years ago, with Maya Rudolph (brilliant, herself) as Donatella Versace, and Courtney Love visits (played by the cutie-pie Drew B.), and smashes all of Donatella's P.M. figurines. Donatella is outraged. it's funny.

I think I just broke the cardinal rule of not rehashing comedy sketches in a social setting of any kind. I sorry.

p.s. I'll bet that, in acting, you possess perfect comic timing. I'm so jealous of you. I just know you do. I know it, I can feel it. I don't - have great comic timing - but I have a quirky thing. so, you know. meh. 'cause at this point, it really matters. *shrug*

Suburban Meteorite said...

Oh, man, my sides are aching!

I love the e.e. cummings parody. "this is just to say" is one of my favorite poems.

I want to throw out my DH's old speakers and an equalizer too. But the clothes he wore when he was forteen come first. He is still saying them in case he ever has a son.

tiff said...

You are a genius, genius, genius. I needed that!

R said...

Precious Moments...those freak me out too. I had the stuffed praying one that haunted me with "now I way me down to sweep, I pway the lord my soul to keep." I threw it away once in total frustration and would you believe I rec'd another one as a gift? Arg.

nadzent said...

I have a feeling that same aunt just sent me a little twin mommy figurine...tho I am happy to say it's not PM, but STILL.

I know, it's the thought that counts.

When are you going to write a one woman show, BTW? You've got some good material here (and a built in opening night crowd, it seems).

samalishy said...

You are the ginchiest ever!!!Do I have a book for you!?! (Yes I do!)
I will send you a copy of Francis Heaney's Holy Tango of Literature I keep copies to give away (only to those who would appreciate) bc its so balarious! Email me your snailus mailus and i will get one to you.
Samalee (ikesmama)
samalishy@yahoo.com

jouette said...

lmao! omg, how i have missed your poetry. luckily for us, pregnancy only makes you more brilliantly hilarious than ever!

dianeinjapan said...

Oh my GOSH. Precious Moments! This one is begging to be done up in embroidery and placed surreptiously in the homes of aunties all around America!

Jenny said...

This post? Is achingly delicious.

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