ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

snort

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…?

ZZZZZ?

Oh…

Oh…hello…

I am…awake?

I think…

yawn

ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Wha…? Baby?


wiping drool from corner of mouth


FISHSTICKS!


I’m sorry…okay…I am sitting up…sitting up typing…typing…typing for my bog…



Bog?

Bog, bog, boggity, bog bog bog…bog…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

HELLO! BLOG!

Oh…excuse me…I’m awake…awake…so that meeeeeaaaannnnnnnnsssssss…uhhhhh…

If I’m awake, I must be breastfeeding the baby.

Baby…hmmmmmm…baby…baaaaabbbbeeeeeeee….

BABY?!

WHERE’S THE BABY?!!!??

What?

Oh…asleep…asslllleeeeeeeepppp…

Oh sleep.

Oh lovely, lovely, sleep…oh…sssssssslllllll…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


I’m awake!

Okay…okay…things are…things are going well here…on the frontline…in the…

In the trenches…

None of that…none of that anti-feminist mumbo jumbo about women losing brain cells with each baby they push out…or…or have pulled out of them…butt first….

yawn

No siree…nope…I am woman…I am woman… hear me…hear me…uh…

Yyyyyaaaaaawwwwnnnnnnnn

Hear me…




What was I saying?

Hi.

What day is it?

Oh…the baby…yes…the new baby…the…the Adorable Siphon…yes…the baby….

Did someone say “fishsticks” a little while ago?

Was that…oh…was that me?

I’m tired…a little tired…just…just a little bit tierd…so…so sheepish…sleepish…so…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


REBOOT!

Ywan

I need to reboot my…my head…I need… a…a boot to the head?

No…wait…reboot my head…everything all…all scrambled, scrambly…trying so hard…sentences? Sentence…must…subject…predicate…write…write stiff…stuff…be creative….

Did I tell you I had a baby? Just about two weeks ago?

Yes…yawn…ues…he beautiful…beautiful little…boy…boy…eat, eat, eat…wake, wake, wake…poop, poop, poop…yawn…

Everything is well here. We are all well…just…just a little tired…sorry…can’t write just yet…can’t…sorry…need to…to…power down and…reboot….

Is someone…is someone doing laundry?

I…I can’t do laundry…so…so tired…just need maybe…maybe a little help…maybe…

I need…

I need…reinforcements.

I need…troops.

I need troops, man.

Yaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnnnnn

I need 500 buses, man.

We ain't talking about -- you know, one of the briefings we had, they were talking about getting public school bus drivers to come down here…

I'm like, "You got to be kidding me. Where is my good nursing bra? Where?

WHERE!??!??”

Get every doggone Greyhound bus line in the country and get their asses moving to…to…

That's -- they're thinking small, man. And this is a major, major, major deal. And I can't emphasize it enough, man. This is crazy.

Crazy…

Crazy, crazy baby….

Just a tiny baby…yawn

Sleep…sleep little baby….

Jiggle the baby…feed the baby…

ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

…baby…

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

…oh, sweet….

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZfishstickszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


35 comments:

kate said...

Man, even when you're half asleep you make me laugh 'til I cry.

Chase said...

Hahahah!!

Well, it sounds like you're still all there. And put together. And coherent. And wanting fishsticks.

Congrats on the beautiful siphon. Here's hoping you an hour of sleep between feedings.

*huuuugs*

Mother said...

Oh shit. I'm really in for it with this new one on the way.

Oh wait. You have three right?

Phew.

:)

Lindsay said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!!
I remember those first few weeks... feeling exactly like that!
I am still cracking up!
I am so glad you are all doing great! Your son is ADORABLE!
{{hugs}}

lildb said...

the idea that you were even capable enough to post, with words and everything, is a sign that you're surviving.

which is all I needed to know.

:) :) :) :)

xoxoxoxo and a big, ole smooch for that scrumptious babe.

and may the splendid deity of your choice send reinforcements. mannnny reinforcements. bearing endless clean, perfectly folded laundry. (or even just clean laundry; screw the folded part.)

mamatulip said...

The Adorable Siphon.

LOL.

Mo said...

I miss those days... Maybe I need another!

nadzent said...

Ha ha ha. You are my hero. You just made me laugh so hard. And you also put terror in my heart - knowing I have this to look forward to.....times 2! YIKES!

wordgirl said...

Like Mo said..."I miss those days". But I think I'm done in that department.Get some sleep.

R said...

Oh Jozet, I remember those days all too vividly and I'm getting dark circles under my eyes just imagining the fatigue you're feeling right now. A numbing trance-like state of fatigue that drives you to near madness. The two girls can make their own pb&j's, yes? That's a blessing. You're over the first hump of post-op c-section, yes? Thank the gods of butterfly tape. Just take that adorable bundle of siphony cuteness one hour at a time. You'll be out of this fog soon pal.

xoxo

mothergoosemouse said...

Jozet, I would send you busloads if I could. Busloads of what, I'm not sure. But busloads of them, absolutely.

Amber said...

ROFL! Thank for the reminder of what it feels like in the beginning! January will be here sooner than I know...

Stephanie T. said...

Oh if I could I would come in an instant and provide some laundry doing and house cleaning and meal cooking and older sibling entertaining. (And perhaps the occasional baby holding so the mama could shower.)

But since I can't do that, I'll just send you lots of love and good wishes from Alabama. :)

kaliroz said...

wow, you are actually able to sort of put words together. i'm impressed.

you'll be out of this soon.

hope you got fishsticks.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh sweetie, go back to sleep. I can't believe you found the time to be funny with two little ones and a new baby.

Ah, the sweet baby.

I'd man one of those buses for you if I could.

CampHillGirl said...

See, now that I'm longing for another sweet bundle, it is good to remember those completely exhausting (and yet, wonderful, love-filled, babyholding, babyfeeding, baby-adoring, baby-snuggling, adventurous) days. (Okay, so maybe that doesn't make me not want another one.) But I do want to know when and why those daily cleaning ladies and live-in cooks went out the window for normal people. I mean, the Bobbsey Twins and Betsy-Tacy had them. I'm sure it is something to do with women arriving or something else equally wonderful, but man, I wish that trend had hung on.

Mary-LUE said...

You know what a selfish blog pig you are when one of your new, favorite bloggers has a baby and after the first couple of days you keep coming back over and over hoping that she'll post something. It's not like the baby is less than 2 weeks old, she had a C-section and she has two other kids. Come on, why isn't she writing? My head said it would be a few weeks but my blog heart was dying for some more! I'm so glad I only had to wait two weeks. And of course, she does not disappoint. Still as funny as ever, even in a sleep-deprived, hormone-induced fog. My hat is off to you, Jozet. Blessings again on the new bebe.

Mommy off the Record said...

What a great time to find your blog! Congratulations on the birth of your baby!! I remember those first sleepless weeks. I can't believe you're actually able to type two words let alone a whole post. I am wholly impressed.

Kristin said...

Fishsticks!

Woman, you can type and post comments and make me laugh... all with a new baby on your boob? You are a GODDESS!

Damselfly said...

You posted only a couple weeks after having a baby?! (And a hilarious post, at that.) Congratulations.

Moobs said...

Ok, if you can still be that funny it is all going to be ok

Jenny said...

Even sleepy you crack me up. (I could totally have used this whole post to go with my latest video post.) Love it!

Congratulations by the way!

gingajoy said...

oh my god!!! one minute I am reading Her Bad Mother's blog entry on the beauty of her babe, and getting all emotional and excited for this one to arrive, and the next I am reading this and thinking "HOLD ME, I'M SCARED!!!"

hope I can be as funny as you are at the end of November! Hang in there, and remember--refined carbs are your friend.

Mom101 said...

You just summed it up perfectly. Even if you think you did nothing of the kind.

Thanks for putting off sleep for a few moments for my entertainement. Because you know, it's all about me.

©Jac said...

LOL! The sleeping game never bothered me until they got older! Hope you are getting some rest!

Anonymous said...

Got a tip to check your blog out and was ROFL! Congratulations on the new baby. Had many years to catch up on and enjoyed your poetry. You are a great writer.

Imzadi said...

Ahhhh I remember those days...sort of. I think I blocked them out actually.

Congratulations again my friend!

MommaK said...

Oh good. You're fine ;-)

sweatpantsmom said...

Congratulations on the new baby! And I hope you find those fishsticks sometime soon.

Jess Riley said...

Congratulations on the new baby!! And add me to the list of readers in awe of your hilarity despite post-partum exhaustion...hoping you get those fishsticks and some sleep soon!

Imperfect Mommy said...

I'll reiterate what others have said and tell you that I am selfishly awaiting some updates, especially since I am two weeks away from my own due date with number two. It's sort of like those things that you can't seem to avert your eyes from. Can I add that I am scared shitless for going through all of this again?

But, seriously, get some sleep if it all possible. Is it possible?

lildb said...

hey, sleepy lady! how's tricks?

missing you 'round these parts. feels a little tumbleweedy lately, w/out seeing your sunny personality popping up in the comments.

hope you're surviving the weeds.

Bradley Cooper, Winemaker said...

Hey! It would appear you had your baby. Wowzers! That was fast. Seems like yesterday you were hinting around the possibility of a pregnancy and how your blog wasn't going to be one of those womanwithchild thingies. He looks great! He should, after all, he's sucking all the life energy out of you! Congrats!
Are they holding your job at the bookstore?

GoGo said...

What fun is this.

Came acrossed your page and am enjoying myself. I will be back. good luck with the baby.

sherry said...

Oh god, that was funny. I hope you've had some sleep by now.

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