I haven't written for a few days, because I wanted first of all to think about my blog. It's an odd idea for someone like me to keep a blog; not only because I have never done so before, but because it seems to me that neither I - nor for that matter anyone else - will be interested in the unbosomings of a thirteen-year-old Jewish schoolgirl. I mean, I forty-year-old yonko soccer mom.
Okay, how "not funny" is it of me to spoof Anne Frank?
Pretty lame, huh?
Even though there are moments when I very much feel as if I've been locked-up in a moldy attic in Amsterdam where the day-in-day-out monotony is enough to drive me bonkers, I suppose that the most I have to fear from the Hampden Township Police is their good-natured hand-waving and possibly a citation for not even attempting to grow grass on my front lawn.
At least Anne had time to write.
Okay, sorry. That was uncalled for.
There are certain rules in comedy that should always be adhered to.
The first rule of comedy is "A series of three is funny." If I say three words or phrases in a row, the third word or phrase always scans like a punchline. Here, try it:
"George Bush, Dick Cheney, and a toaster oven."
Let's try that again:
"Blue, green, and my mother in pink go-go boots"
Of course, every seasoned comedian knows that the second rule of funny-making is probably even more important than the "rule of three".
And that rule, simply stated, is "Lay off the Anne Frank jokes."
Anne Frank jokes are definitely not ha-ha. Not even the one Anne Frank knock-knock joke I know.
Boy is that joke ever not funny.
On the other hand, pregnant women getting bitten by rabid bats?
So golden, in fact, that my troubled account of the utter fear and crushing anxiety I felt after my run-in with a possibly infected bat netted me a ROFL award for the month of October!
Dang. You people are hardcore.
And I love you, every one.
Truly and sincerely.
And what I won’t do to make you laugh.
Did I tell you that I’m running with the bulls next July? Then I’m going to skydive into a cactus field and after that I’m going to drop-in on a vert ramp and then swim naked in a lobster tank. All while wearing a Baby Bjorn. (Did Johnny Knoxville try that one yet?)
I graciously accept this ROLF (Rolling On Floor Laughing) Award, and look forward to many more opportunities to make with the ha-ha for my dear readers. And thank you, dear readers, for hanging-in there with me while I get this “three kids” thing under control. We’ve almost got a nap schedule going, and when that happens, look out. Oh, what I can’t do with two consecutive daytime hours of sleeping child! Operas will be written! Whole novels outlined and completed! And, of course, some laundry will be done, too. Will you still love me if I tell you I’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days?
I’m funny smelling, too.
But, I’m protected against rabies for the next few years, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat just for the material.
I’m that hardcore.
An Easter Bunny!
Anna other Easter Bunny!
And for tons more funnies, go check out the rest of this month's winners. Just remember: cross your legs, and don't take a sip of coffee before you begin reading. Cause that stuff can burn coming out. From both places.
October's ROFL Award Winners!