Funny Ha-Ha AND Funny Strange

Dear Kitty,

I haven't written for a few days, because I wanted first of all to think about my blog. It's an odd idea for someone like me to keep a blog; not only because I have never done so before, but because it seems to me that neither I - nor for that matter anyone else - will be interested in the unbosomings of a thirteen-year-old Jewish schoolgirl. I mean, I forty-year-old yonko soccer mom.



Okay, how "not funny" is it of me to spoof Anne Frank?

Pretty lame, huh?

Even though there are moments when I very much feel as if I've been locked-up in a moldy attic in Amsterdam where the day-in-day-out monotony is enough to drive me bonkers, I suppose that the most I have to fear from the Hampden Township Police is their good-natured hand-waving and possibly a citation for not even attempting to grow grass on my front lawn.

At least Anne had time to write.


Okay, sorry. That was uncalled for.



There are certain rules in comedy that should always be adhered to.

The first rule of comedy is "A series of three is funny." If I say three words or phrases in a row, the third word or phrase always scans like a punchline. Here, try it:


"George Bush, Dick Cheney, and a toaster oven."

See? Hilarious!


Let's try that again:

"Blue, green, and my mother in pink go-go boots"


Genius.


Of course, every seasoned comedian knows that the second rule of funny-making is probably even more important than the "rule of three".

And that rule, simply stated, is "Lay off the Anne Frank jokes."

Anne Frank jokes are definitely not ha-ha. Not even the one Anne Frank knock-knock joke I know.

Boy is that joke ever not funny.

Trust me.


On the other hand, pregnant women getting bitten by rabid bats?

Comedy gold.

So golden, in fact, that my troubled account of the utter fear and crushing anxiety I felt after my run-in with a possibly infected bat netted me a ROFL award for the month of October!




Dang. You people are hardcore.

And I love you, every one.

Truly and sincerely.


And what I won’t do to make you laugh.

Did I tell you that I’m running with the bulls next July? Then I’m going to skydive into a cactus field and after that I’m going to drop-in on a vert ramp and then swim naked in a lobster tank. All while wearing a Baby Bjorn. (Did Johnny Knoxville try that one yet?)

Anyway, again…

I graciously accept this ROLF (Rolling On Floor Laughing) Award, and look forward to many more opportunities to make with the ha-ha for my dear readers. And thank you, dear readers, for hanging-in there with me while I get this “three kids” thing under control. We’ve almost got a nap schedule going, and when that happens, look out. Oh, what I can’t do with two consecutive daytime hours of sleeping child! Operas will be written! Whole novels outlined and completed! And, of course, some laundry will be done, too. Will you still love me if I tell you I’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days?

I’m funny smelling, too.

But, I’m protected against rabies for the next few years, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat just for the material.

I’m that hardcore.


Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Anne.
Anne who?
.
.
.
.
.
An Easter Bunny!

Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna other Easter Bunny!


And for tons more funnies, go check out the rest of this month's winners. Just remember: cross your legs, and don't take a sip of coffee before you begin reading. Cause that stuff can burn coming out. From both places.

October's ROFL Award Winners!

18 comments:

Mrs. Chicky said...

Totally deserved, baybeee, because I have never laughed that hard at a blog post before.

anne said...

Congratulations Sis! You totally did deserve it.
You know, if the awards can be given for past posts, you're a shoo-in for at least the next year.

tiff said...

corngratulations!

You're an inspiration to us all. Well, OK, to me. But I count, right?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!

We were laughing with you, yes. Not at you, right. Right?

You're happy, right. Right?

mothergoosemouse said...

Jozet, I say this in all seriousness: You're the only blogger who regularly makes me LOL. Others provoke smiles, chuckles, an occasional snort. But you - you're one of a kind.

Denise said...

I loved the bat post. We also had bats this summer. And, in another burst of synchronicity, I also made an Anne Frank joke in my post. I swear, I posted first and then came here and went, "OMG!"

Jozet said...

Yes Ms. Pippert and Ms. Mary-Lue, you were indeed laughing with me, lol. (Although, I would completely understand the "at you" too.)

It was an extremely surreal situation all around. My OB/Gyn now calls me "The Bat Woman" and says that she's the new tri-county point person to answer all questions when it comes to pregnant woman receiving rabies vaccines.

I've given her a resume line.

Anyway, gals...Thank you and thank you!

You both entirely made my day, as did everyone who commented on the post. :-)

Anonymous said...

I love it! I laugh at the Anne Frank jokes, as inappropriate as they may be!
congrats!

Madame Pocklock said...

Congratulations! That really was pretty hysterical. I read that post on my laptop from bed one night while battling insomnia. I woke up my snoring husband because I snorted so loud.

Anonymous said...

He, he. I am still laughing, and shuttering at the same time.

You deserve it mamma!! Horray for you. Now go do something funny 'cuz I could really use a hearty chuckle....

Congratulations!

©Jac said...

Congrats!

Momma Star said...

Woohoo!

Imperfect Mommy said...

Congratulations... I just read it as I am doing major blog catching up and OMG, how unfortunately hilarious. And the PhD from Google University? I thought I was the only one!

Anonymous said...

Very good article...infomational for sure...looking forward to reading some more posts placed on this topic...will be checking this page again..have saved in favorites and bookmarked...thanks

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Mom101 said...

Ha, congrats! You've earned it with this one and every other.

And let me just say that a friend of mine got his start in hollywood with a genius spec script for Full House in which the Olsen Twins die and end up in a weird sitcom purgatory with the other girls who've died before they got their periods, including Carole Anne from Poltergeist and...you guessed it, Ann Frank.

Comedy gold!

nomotherearth said...

Seriously one of the funniest, if not THE funniest post I have ever read. I flip-flop between that and your eggplant recipe. Kudos, and well deserved.

I would seriously buy a book that you wrote.

wordgirl said...

How is it that you can SAY you're out of words and can't write anything and then you write something that makes me laugh so hard my eyeballs want to fall out of their sockets? Because, DANG! I'm jealous of your funnybone!

lildb said...

so proud.

but then, you practically invented funny, so it's not surprising.

p.s. smelly is the new drakkar noir.

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