Luke Warm Mama, or...

Another Example of How My Children Keep Me Humble

So I'm walking through Target with my eldest child, Prima, searching for inexpensive-yet-cutting-edge, high style doo-dads with which to adorn my home and complete my happiness, when we wander into the Unmentionables Department.

I haven't bought any unmentionables in a while, and some of the unmentionables I do own are looking a bit tattered around the edges after being stretched to capacity during my 9 months up the pregnancy hill...mountain...and even now that my bottom unmentionables are heaving sighs of relief as I near my pre-pregnancy weight (that's "near", not "attain"), my upper unmentionables are still looking a bit shocked and awed at being asked to contain the twin milkjugs that now adorn my chest.

In other words, I'm busting out my bras.

So, while wandering through Target, I thought I'd take a look at what they had to offer in the way of upper unmentionables, and maybe - what the heck - how about one in a festive color and maybe with a girlish wink and come-hither to make me feel a little less "mother of three "-ish and a little more "wowzie wowzie woo woo!"

And I'm looking at a teal number with a bit of lace and a lot of oomph and I hear Prima next to me giving what I think is the "could you hurry up here so we can get to the Barbie aisle" sigh.

"Just one second. I'm just going to quick pick out a bra."

Another sigh.

"Don't you like this one?"

A thoughtful look.

"Well" she says, "I like the color."

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

"Yeah...but you don't need one that fancy. It's not like anyone is going to see it."

"Well...uh...even if no one see it, I'll know that it's on, right?"

"I guess. But no one else will see it."

"'s like your SpongeBob undershirt. You like wearing that undershirt because SpongeBob is on it, right?"


"And no one else sees the SpongeBob undershirt, but you still like wearing it."


"So, it's like that. Like SpongeBob."



"Okay...but then you should buy a yellow bra."


And let me tell you, do I ever feel sexy in my new SpongeBob bra.


Anonymous said...

ha ha, spongebob IS the new sexy!

Anonymous said...

Seriously though...anyone have a link to a site that sells SpongeBob bras? Because I would totally buy one.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Do you think they make Squiward bras? 'Cause that's more up my alley.

tiff said...

Lord - I want a Patrick bra so badly I can TASTE it!

Good for you for nearing the pre-preg weight. A noble feat!

Anonymous said...

"The girls" could use a new bra, if you know what I mean. I usually wait until the one I'm wearing reaches crisis proportions and then I indulge. And while I'm at it...I could use some new underwear. It's tragic, really.

Mom101 said...

Dahling, sweetheart, bubbie--you cannot wear unmentionables from Target. Then they're just...mentionables. Go out and let some old lady from Neiman's measure the girls and hoist them to the skies in something worthy.

Although I think Nate might prefer the spongebob bra, come to think of it.

Debbie said...

I hate, detest, despise, loathe and ABHOR shopping for boob-holders.

I buy them never.

I admire your chutzpah for even daring to look at one sideways without fearing being spat at by the haughty garment. stupid, lacey, haughty thing.

(need I mention, I'm still wearing bras purchased much in advance of even thinking I would ever become a pregnant person, never mind a mother? and that - oh, ugh. gross.)

sigh. said...

I did see a SpongeBob bra on eBay. Or, I could just paste goggly eyes on this one. Bah!

And no, I don't usually shop for booby-boosters at Target, but it was challenging enough to shop there with children in tow. Could you imagine the playground conversations I'd inspire if my goslings witnessed some granny from Neiman's handling my bossoms, lol.

I'll save that trip for after I'm done nursing and I subtract three letters from my cup size. That's when I'll really need the magic of a good fit.

P.S. Not a bra, but I think I saw Patrick pasties. :-)

Anonymous said...

Bra shopping, for me, is right up there with scouring the back yard for dog poop.

However, it would be more fun if I were shopping for a SpongeBob bra, even though I don't watch the show. ;)

Jess Riley said...

Ugh, bra shopping. I don't even try them on in the store, I hate it so much. (And later, when I get home, I pay the price. Today, for example--I can't really inhale all the way. Too tight. It's really a shame God made me so lazy.)

Run ANC said...

I could really use a new one, but since "the girls" have gotten SMALLER (as if that was possible...) since pregnancy, perhaps I should look for a "George Shrinks" bra??? Sad.

Momma Star said...

Oh oh oh, the last time I was in Target buying bottom unmentionables, my elder child felt the need to shout "Mommy, are you buying boobs today?" much to the delight of those within hearing range, which was most of the store.

Her Bad Mother said...

If you find that Spongebob bra, you totally have to post a picture.

Anonymous said...

Momma Star and I share children cut from the same cloth so basically...what she said.

My last bra purchase was newer nursing bras. White. Big. Would make a Victorian woman proud.

When I (a) finish losing the babe-you're-past-calling-it-post-baby-weight-now-it's-your-weight weight and (b) cut off Persistence (who earns that name every day I try to wean) I'm goig to go to an actual bra fitting. A real one. To get a nice bra.

And maybe I'll remember there is a sexy cougar under all this mommyness. ;)

Anonymous said...

Is the bra square? I can only assume that Spongue Bob Square Pants has Square breasts as well....

mad muthas said...

i want a spongebob bra and i want it NOW. with matching square pants said... mean "square panties".

S.T. said...

Boy do I need some new bras. I recently lost some weight, but I'm still wearing all my pre-weight-loss bras. I have no idea what size I even am. I guess I need to bite the bullet and go let some old lady (preferably one who works there) feel me up at a department store and get properly fitted.

anne said...

For the brief time I was nursing I wanted a nursing bra with a cow pattern on it - because that's exactly how it felt.

I like the idea of Patrick pasties - except if I tried to wear them without my Sponge Bob bra, my boobies would be down in my Bikini Bottoms.

karengreeners said...

18 months post-partum and i'm still only wearing nursing bras. the huz loves it. but really, the problem is that there is no target in canada.

maybe toys r us?

Anonymous said...

So I guess it's no longer Bikini Bottom but Bikini Top? Never thought of Spongebob quite in that light before :)

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