Life With Three Kids

So, the first thing that most people ask me these...

hold on...

Okay. When I'm out and about with all three kids, lately, what people ask...

Sorry...just a second....



I said NO!


No, not with a knife!

Hold right back.

Okay. Again.

A lot of people are wondering what it' it...oh for cripe's sake...hold on again.

Just give her the scissors!

I said just give them to her!

No! No, don't even try that on me, I heard you threatening to chop her hair off!

I'm going to count to three, and if...

(screaming downstairs)

All right, I'm coming down there!
And I'm bringing the broom and the big whip!

Hold on.



What's it like with three kids, one of whom is just learning to crawl and who has mastered the pincer grip.'s hectic.

Damn. The baby's awake.

Hold on.


typng whil hdlg thre bebe now.

baby cnuipry cabn='opwrl

baby c;lkfrlknh'
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okay the baby is on the ground and i can type really quick except no caps

come back baby



(sound of pitter patter down hallway followed by larger footsteps)

(sound of screaming)

That's it! Everyone in their room for the rest of the week!




Get a towel and clean it up first!

I don't care if it smells like old milk, clean it up!


kjshg p864]u-046 w ;j4 w40y

baby typinggg[oiauewt[ 'pojaeth'po jaw-05uy ]-03u5yj qpo3y5jpo3yj

thingdslk ar busy;o



schoooppllll is out foroij [poij summer




Tricorum Satisdee said...

That was genius. I love your posts.

karengreeners said...

well, at least the rest of the week should be quiet ;)

Run ANC said...

Very funny

S said...

Ahh, this is so true. I am feeling the pain with two children, I cannot imagine what it would be like with three.

My sympathies. ;)

Julie Pippert said...

I'm just impressed it took you until 3 to hit this! I manage with only two. LOL

P.S. I sent you an email not too long ago.

P.P.S. My sister is moving away from there. :( But she is moving HERE. :)

Perpetually Romesick said...

I love your blog! I did a little happy dance this morning when I saw there were new posts. :)

Anonymous said...

Did posting that hurt? It looked like you may have pulled something. Hope you're ok.

Anonymous said...

dude. I have been checking back and checking back and -- you know what?

this is exactly what I was hoping to find.

totally worth the wait.

you rule, man.

(I wish I had the funds to hire a coterie of care people and send them to you so you could take a few days off.)

(Not because I'm selfish and want more blog posts from you. just because I love you, lady H.)

(no, really. I really, really - okay, shoot. yes. I wouldn't totally mind it if you happened to write a post or two while taking a nice hiatus from parenting for a few days thanks to my special coterie of helpers. you know. the imaginary ones I'm sending you.)


Anonymous said...

Let me know if you get them to stay in their rooms for the rest of the week. I could use a bit of that magic.

Anonymous said...

Don't they ask "why isn't your husband watching the kids?" ;)

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Um. That's me with two.

mamatulip said...

*snort* This is my life too, and I only have TWO. Bless your busy little heart.

- said...

She's not dumb enough to trust me to watch them! said...

No dear, I trust you with the kids.

It's separating and not shrinking my fine washables that I don't trust you with.

No that we finally have that straightened out, I'm going to the movies tonight.

Day Dreamer said...

That was too freakin' funny!

I hear you, I am with you in your insanity!

Chaotic Joy said...

Very very funny! I have 4 and my telephone conversations always sound exactly like this. It's why I resort to email most of the time, no one can hear the screetching at children between lines. SM posted a link to this on her site and I am so glad she did. It's a great post!

Anonymous said...


I can't tell you how many conversations I've had like this. It's almost as though you've been channeling me...or tapping my phone.

Kelly said...

Two bowls me over.

Two small children and I am fried like a bucket of KFC. My heart says I'm 'supposed' to have one more (or maybe that's my ovaries and sex drive) but my brain says hells no woman!

Funny piece, and a gentle reminder to keep using the Trojans.

a happier girl said...

Too funny. People without kids do not appreciate how constant the onslaught is.

Donna @ Snowbound said...

I'm livin' it baby!

Mom101 said...

Brilliant. If you'd just let me sign my name to this I'd be really grateful...Oh wait, I only have two. That I know of. (Heh heh)

S.T. said...

Yep, that's my life with two, ages 6 and 3. I can't imagine throwing a crawling babe into the mix as well!

Dani said...

As a fellow mother of three, I really laughed at this. My youngest is now 3.5 years old. A friend of mine for several years and I just had our first COMPLETE conversations very recently. We meet at a playgroup. We may even get to know eachother better now beyond, "yes, he pees there too."

JChevais said...

Hilarious and so true. My kids start fighting as soon as I pick up the phone... they seem to get up to "quiet" no good if I'm on the internet...

Sometimes I wonder what they are cooking and then I think, bother... they're old enough to know not to set themselves on fire.

Anonymous said...

Oh, how I relate... we have a crawler with a pincer grasp here too. And a five year old who "just forgets" to pick up her tiny shit all day long.

Cristina said...

Loved this!

OhTheJoys said...

Bravo! Bravo!
That was hilarious. So well done!

©Jac said...


Queen of the Mayhem said...

Wait, are you living my life? I have some friends with no children and it annoys them to NO END to speak to me on the phone, as our conversations occur in a very similar way.

I would have to add the threat of, "Do I need to get the spanking spoon?" in there....I believe that comes out of my mouth every couple of hours! :)

I came to your blog via Marylue.....I enjoyed it! I will have to come back!

Ally said...

Hey there, just stopping in via OTJ's ROFL post... This had me laughing so hard. As a mother of three, I definitely relate. The other night at the dinner table my hubby and I kept talking even though our 5 year old (Eleanor) kept trying to interrupt. When it was her turn to talk, I said, "okay sweetie, what would you like to say?" She scrunched up her face and said, "You guys made me FORGET IT by not letting me talk when I needed to." We busted up laughing-- for once the tables were turned.

Gina said...

Love. This. Post.

peony paperie said...

I have conversations that sound like this, too. But when mine are behaving, I get so annoyed at my friends whose kids aren't. What's wrong with me??

Anonymous said...

I feel that way with one! Brilliant!

Benjamin Loewen said...

That was awesome. This is why I only have one friend I talk to who isn't a mom.

Anonymous said...

Wow, who knew you'd become such a popular blogger (or Mom). You should have had kids much earlier in life!

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I found this post. Hilarious, I'm still giggling. Thanks for taking a little time to share your perspective.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha--I laughed out loud through this whole post--THANKS!! :)

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