NaBloPoMo

That has to be the worst acronym in, like, forever.

It sounds as if it has something to do with a National Organization of Teletubby Sodomizers.

But, it's not.

No, it's the acronym for National Blog Post Month.

For the entire month of November, bloggers who join the movement (or perhaps it's a cult, mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha) take a blood oath to sit in front of their screen- be it large and flat or tiny and expensive - and once a day, to crack their knuckles thricely, stick the tip of their tongue out of the corner of their mouth, squint their eyes and knit their eyebrows, and then tap, tap, tap away at the keys until they finally click on PUBLISH POST (or SEND, or whatever) and, in effect, post something to their blog EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OR ELSE!

Don't ask me "or else what?"

You can't HANDLE the "or else what?"

Just think thumb screws and water boards, that's or else what.

Okay, not really.

Just think a big "KICK ME! I DROPPED OUT OF NABLOPOMO!" written on a giant yellow Post-It and stuck to the back of your blog for the entire month of December. It's true. These organizers aren't messing around.

And what if you DO post every day for an entire month?

Well, my friend, you have the satisfaction of a job well done.

And maybe there will be another widget to add to your sidebar. Something like "I NaBloPoMo'ed and all I got was this grayscale widget. And a rash on my Tinky Winkie."

Anyway, I signed up. And I'm forcing my sister to sign up, too. I'm the older sister, and you may think that by the ages of 40-something and 30-something, big sisters would no long wield any bully power over their younger sisters, but you would be so, so very wrong. In fact, watch how easily I can blackmail my younger sister into posting to her blog every day for a month.


"Hey. Hey, Seestor. Hey, c'mere I want to tell you something...

Perrier Water.

That's right...Perrier Water.

Yeah, that's got your attention.

I knew it would.

So. Now. Hows about you buddy-up with me and write something every day on your blog for a month, and that story will go no further. No farther, either."

Of course, the downside to bullying my sister is that my sister not only has an equally and infuriatingly obnoxious story she can tell about me, but she's also much stronger than I am and can hold me down and do that thing where you grab the other person's hand and say, "Why are you punching yourself? Huh? Why are you punching yourself?"

Also, she's a natural blonde. Which is neither here nor there, but bears mentioning as a super power.

SO.

Here's the plan.

NaBloPoMo suggests that to make this endeavor a bit easier so as to not "run out of gas" around day 14, bloggers should blog on a theme. My Summer Vacation or Thirty Ways To Cook Toast or What I Found In My Driveway This Morning.

I, however, had the wildly brilliant idea of co-blogging with my Seestor. And because I'm hyper-organized and a pain in the ass, I came up with a easy-to-follow template for each day of the week with revolving topics and writing prompts. Boy. Am I fun or what.

Anyway, it's going to go like this:

MONDAY: Random Noodlings. A little of this. A little of that. Stray thoughts and scrambled eggs.

TUESDAY: Get to Know The Ugly Sisters! Where we get all autobiographical, tell some Remember When type stories, and reveal which one of us has a peg leg. Just kidding. It's only a peg toe.

(Yes, back in the day when we ran with a group of rock-n-roll hippie yonkos, my sister and I were lovingly dubbed The Ugly Sisters. Our friends told us that they were being ironic. However, there does exist a photo of me and my sister with underwear on our heads and frizzy perms. So, it has crossed my mind that our friends were being ironic when they told us they were being ironic. Anyway, we embraced the name as a good moniker for a rock band at the very least, and yes, The Ugly Sisters is trademarked. Not by us, mind you, but that's not stopping me from using it here.)

WEDNESDAY: Best of Awards. Because everyone likes to give an award.

THURSDAY: Question From My Sister. Where we ask each other questions and answer them. Duh.

FRIDAY: Geek Of The Week.
Don't be an idiot, and we'll all get along just fine. Get up in our grills, and, boy oh boy...oh boy...why I just outta...don't get me started. Who will the Geek of the Week be this Friday? Stay tuned!

SATURDAY: Ugly Sister Smackdown. Started here. Ended here. To be continued.

SUNDAY: Sisterly Advice
- Our weekly advice column. This is the part where we take questions from the audience and offer you the wisdom of our combined years. Ask us anything! We'll give you a thorough and well thought-out answer. Or not. Maybe we'll just make stuff up after giggling over your dilemma. That said, we have a whopping 27 years of parenting experience between us and can adequately cover (i.e. tap-dance our way through) most topics from diapering babies to homework blues to answering "Band-Aid or stitches?" to teenage drivers, as well as philosophizing over more general questions such as "When should I be supportive, when should I discourage, and when do I pretend she's someone else's kid" and "Glitter! What the hell?!" We've both had encounters with possibly rabid animals, and my sister raises goats and wild horses, so right there, a wealth of information. If you need recommendations for beverage pairings to your favorite entree, or music to whittle by, we can help. Problems with noisy neighbors? Wondering whether to dump that dude? Got bunions? We're your gals. Drop us a line at
TheUglySister@yahoo.com
or post your question in the comments section at any time and we'll do our darndest to point you in the right direction. (Your mileage may vary.)

So there! Doesn't this sound promising?

Here's to NaBloPoMo!

It's a dessert topping! It's a floor wax! It's a Peruvian poet!

It's whatever you want it to be!

Now, get thee to the buggery bloggery!

5 comments:

anne said...

Perrier. You had to bring THAT up, didn't you?

Fine.

I'll post.

Whatever.

Mom101 said...

For maybe the first time I'm actually excited about a blog doing this. I think you've got it down, girl! Some other blogs - sheesh I'm afraid all they'll do is run up my unread blogs on my rss.

Julie Pippert said...

Mom101 is OFF MY LIST for that comment. ;)

So...do you think this means I can recruit Flavia, exert my older sister influence on her?

Julie
Using My Words

lildb said...

did you just say you were planning on writing every. single. day?

*runs to bathroom*

Becky said...

I am so with you, what a dumb name NaBloPoMo. I'm can't be sure that I even spelled that correctly (knowing me, I did not).

You are hilarious, and I am going to add you to my blog roll unless you have major issues with it.

We can make fun of dumb acronyms together!

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