MAN: Baby, you had your dinner already. Let Mommy and Daddy eat in peace.
BABY: Uh! Uh! Uh! Ba-Ba-Ba! Uh-Uh!
WOMAN: He wants some food.
MAN: I know he wants some food. He wants MY food.
WOMAN: I guess he's still hungry.
MAN: Well, he should have thought of that before he threw all his salmon on the floor and then screamed like an air raid siren until we took him out of the high chair.
BABY: (reaching up to MAN's plate) BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WOMAN: What do you want, Baby? Are you still hungry?
BABY: (throwing himself down onto floor and writhing with hands outstretched toward MAN's plate) UH! UH! UH! UH! BA! BA! BA! BA! BA! BA! UUUUHHHH! UUUUHHHHH! UHHHHHH! BAAAAAAAA! BAAAAAAAA!
MAN: (with plaintive wonderment) I haven't eaten a meal in peace in the last ten years. There's always something. Someone crying because they don't want to eat. Someone crying because they want to eat. Someone crying because she wants to eat what's on her sister's plate even though the same exact thing is on her own plate. Someone who needs milk. Someone who just spilled his milk. Someone who just had milk come out her nose. Will this ever end? Will I ever be able to just sit down and eat an uneventful meal from beginning to end?
WOMAN: (sotto voce) At least you get to eat lunch out by yourself at work.
WOMAN: I said, "Please, pass me a sweet bunch o' spouts, go on with your...bad...self....at...jerk..."
BABY: BA! BA! BA! BA! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WOMAN: I think he wants one of your Brussels sprouts.
MAN: Well they are mine. He can't have one. Here, Baby, have one from the serving dish.
BABY: NUH! NUH! NUH! NUH! NUH! NUH! NUUUUH!!
WOMAN: He wants one off your plate.
BABY: BA! BA! BA! DA! DA! DA! NNNNNNNUUUUHHHH!!!!
MAN: No, Baby. Get your own plate.
BABY: BA! BA! NUHHHHHHHAHHHAAA! BA! BA!
WOMAN: I'm going to have to overrule, here. The child wants a Brussels sprout. A Brussels sprout. Can you not appreciate the magnitude of that request? The more important precedent being set over that of giving in to his yelling? None of our other children will allow a healthy green vegetable in the same room that they are in! THIS CHILD WANTS TO EAT A BRUSSELS SPROUT! Please, for Dr. Spock's sake, give the kid the HEALTHY GREEN VEGETABLE TO EAT! Now! Now! NOW!
BABY: BAAAH! WAAAAAAAH! NUUUUUU!
MAN: (quietly fuming, takes a Brussels sprout from his plate and hands it to BABY) Here.
BABY: (grabs Brussels sprout and stuffs it into his mouth) Boompa!
After a few chews, BABY takes the mauled Brussels sprout out of his mouth and plops it back onto MAN's plate.
WOMAN: You're welcome, Baby.
MAN: (staring dolefully at half-eaten Brussels sprout on his plate) Being a parent is just a continuous and sustained erosion of one's dignity. Isn't it.
WOMAN: I'm glad we're all finally on the same page.
Sounds of screaming and milk spilling in next room.