IT'S SATURDAY NIIIIGGGHHTTTT! (NNIGGHT) (Niight) (night) (ight)
ARE YOU READY?
I SAID, ARE YOU READY??!!!!!!
Welcome one and all to the final Sisterly Smackdown Super Cage Match of NaBloPoMo 2007!
In one corner - wearing the bright green double-knit polyester hippie gown and knee-high white socks - we have Ugly Sister 1, Madame Jozet from Haluski, who way back in December 2006 came out swinging with a Liberace to the old Che Guevara.
In the other corner - wearing the hip waders and the Super Chevy Sunday sweatshirt - we have Ugly Sister 2, Ms. Anne "Call Me Cordelia" Quintessence, who answered with a sweatheart smack to the old ego with this doozy - terry cloth shorts, knobby knees and beer T-shirts.
It only got more ugly, with underage tequila drinking with overage Hobbits, head doilies, Kiss make-up, and much, much worse.
And now, we've come to the last Saturday Smackdown, and we're sure that the Ugly Sisters won't disappoint!
Alright, I'm tired of writing in third person omniscient.
I just got back from work and I really need to sit my bum in front of some cartoons and veg out.
And so, my final entries for this session of smackdowns...
The coolness that was us!
This would be us at around, oh, third grade and seventh grade? I'm trying to gauge from my sister's Corvette shirt and my Cheap Trick t-shirt and my ...uh...those would be rainbow suspenders. You know, like Mork from Ork wore? Uh huh.
I'm also guessing that this vignette was composed at the photo booth in Space Port at Fairlane Village Mall. And, from our looks of simultaneous elation and supercoolness (see Photo 3), right after we had just kicked butt at Miss Packman.
Or maybe Centipede.
Or maybe, both.
And although you might say that this photo was smackdown material enough, I just can't hold back with one more. Even if, well, it might be a hit below the belt, as they say. Although, I'm not sure whether hits below the belt are quite as painful when it's two girls duking it out. Unless you're hitting me way below the belt, like in the foot. Because my feet are already killing me from standing all day. So, ouch, man! Ouch! My foot!
That would be me. And that would be my sister. And that would be...underwear...on our heads.
Men's briefs, to be precise.
Yes, well...there isn't too much more to say about that, then, is there....
Now, from the photos we've been posting these past few weeks, I'm sure it has become increasingly obvious that growing up, my sister and I were very, very special young ladies.
Special, meaning...creative...and joie de vie! and...okay, weird.
And seeing just these anonymous photos, one might wonder what would have become of such girls. Did they graduate from school? Did they find gainful and satisfying employment other than as sideshow barkers or the people who mold tabs onto the end of shoelaces? Did they find friendship? Did they find happiness? And did they find true love?
Well, sir, I am happy to report that the answer to all of the above is yes, and a resounding yes!
Weep not, all you young geeks and oddballs, twisted sisters and children of the polyester terry cloth revolution, ye of permed-hair and ratted bangs! You shall clean-up and you shall clean up well! Hair shall be smoothed and hemlines dropped to fetching levels! You shall put on a little makeup, restrict your conversations to the weather and price of daffodils! And you shall marry, and marry the princes of your dreams!
Behold again! The Ugly Sisters Redone!
Look how adorable we are. Aw, shucks.
See! Take heart, you goofuses! If there is a fairytale ending to our story, then surely there is a happy ending for one and all. All comedies end with a wedding. And all cinder girls shall find their Prince Charming.
As we did ours....