NaBloPoMoDay 26: Ceci N'est Pas Une Blog Post

I am accepting Painted Maypole’s Monday Mission of writing a post in a series of directions.

Done!

Well, not done yet. I’m going to write something right now.

I mean, right NOW.

NOW.

NOW.

Isn’t the present tense fun?

Okay, enough of that.

My helpful instructions today are on how to write a blog post when you have nothing in particular to write about.

This is a sort of mobius strip of a post that turns back in on itself while writing about writing it. Mobius is a great word. But there’s another great word which means "that kind of activity that is an activity about the activity". However, I don’t know what that word is. I wonder whether my husband knows. Hold on, I’ll ask him.
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Alright, well that wasn’t helpful. See...


Me: Hey, I’m writing a blog post and I need some help. What’s that great word…

Husband: Botulism.

Me: What?

Husband: Botulism is a great word. Use that one.

Me: No. Listen. What’s that word that means, like, when you’re doing an activity, but the activity is about describing the activity that you’re doing? You know. That word?

Husband: Oh! I know! It’s like that painting. “This is not a bowl of flowers.” That one.

Me: Bowl of…No, no, no. It’s “This is not a pipe.”

Husband: Oh yeah?

Me: So, what’s the word?

Husband: I don’t know…meta? No, that’s not it.

Me: That’s only part of a word anyway.

Husband: It’s like that Norman Rockwell painting…

Me: The one of him painting a portrait of himself painting a portrait of himself?

Husband: Yeah.

Me: Okay! Yeah! So what’s that called?!

Husband: A painting.

Me: No! It’s not a painting!

Husband: A pipe?

Me: No! Stop it!

Husband: A bowl of flowers, then.

Me: Just forget it.


Anyway, that is what this post will have to be for now: a mobius strip post. Thanks - and no thanks - to my husband.


How To Write A Blog Post When You Have Nothing In Particular To Write About


1. Make some tea.

2. Have a bowl of ice cream.

3. Turn on the computer.

4. Check your email.

5. Check to see whether your penis needs to be enlarged. (It doesn’t.)

6. Click on the bookmark for your blog.

7. Check for new comments.

8. Read the new comments.

9. Wonder why everyone’s comments are more witty and well-written than your original post.

10. Wonder why Bossy hasn’t commented in a while.

11. Wonder when Wil Wheaton will comment on Lawyer Mama’s blog.

12. Wonder what that itchy spot on your upper thigh is.

13. Have another bowl of ice cream.

14. Open a NEW POST window.

15. Click back to see whether anyone has commented on your blog in the past two minutes. (They haven't.)

16. Stare at screen.

17.

18. Wonder what to write for number 17.

19. Hope your husband comes into the room and says something odd and random.

20. He doesn't.

21. Go find your husband and ask him some odd and random question. (This works especially well if he's on heavy-duty painkillers for his rotten tooth.)

22. Write down his answer verbatim.

23. Find a suitable photo by Googling "odd husband."

24. Hit PUBLISH POST.

25. Congratulate yourself for marrying good blogging material.


As it turns out, meta is a word unto itself, not just when combined with another word.

See here:

Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English
Main Entry: meta
Part of Speech: adj
Definition: self-referential; referring to itself or its characteristics, esp. as a parody; about
Example: That book is so meta.
Etymology: meta 'beyond'

That book is so meta?

That phrase is so pretentious.

I be metablogging. How's that?

17 comments:

Damselfly said...

Number 25!

Number 17!

Love it. Part of writing is procrastinating, isn't it?

Julie Pippert said...

Too freaking funny!

I emailed Wil a link to my mission post. if he ignores it? He's made of ice. Cheap ice with lots of air pockets, but ice, nonetheless. And I will have to suck this comment back in if he comments.

Boy thanks for the laugh. I needed it tonight.

Tomorrow I will entitle my testimony: This is not a plea for the EPA to get off their asses and stop the pollution already.

In your honor. :)

Julie
Using My Words

painted maypole said...

funny. and now I will be trying to think about that word all day long. ack.

thanks for playing along!

kristabella said...

AWESOME!

This is the prime example of why it takes me 3 hours to write a post that is like 150 words.

And also why I need to get myself hitched!

anne at annenahm.com said...

Love it!

skiplovey said...

How come my "I got nothing" posts aren't this funny? Must follow the directions from now on I guess.

Prof. J. said...

This is a delightful post, and metablogging is the perfect word! I find it difficult to believe that the responses to your posts are ever more clever than your writing.

Lawyer Mama said...

Still no comments from The Wil.

But this post was friggin hilarious!

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh, metablogging is very hip. The A-listers do it all the time. You you are in great company...just ask them!

I found your nothing post very entertaining! My nothing posts are so not entertaining, but I do not have a flair for humor like you do.

RimaRama said...

Fabulous directions, except you might want to add the step about doing a Technorati search to see if anyone has linked to you recently. And seeing if your Google Reader has updated in the last two minutes.

Theresa said...

Much ado about nothing, I say. In spite of being about nothing, this post has got something! After "check e-mail" and before "check to see whether your penis needs to be enlarged," you really need to include "check whether or not you have a penis. If not, proceed to step 6" ;)

Mrs. Chicky said...

Damn, you can make a post about nothing funny. Not fair. You should be writing for Seinfeld. That's still on the air, right?

Magpie said...

You be metafunny.

Jill said...

You've described my typical day exactly!

mothergoosemouse said...

I want November to go on and on, forever and ever, so that there are always new Halushki posts waiting to greet me.

Deb Abramson said...

This reminds me of two things. Would you like to hear them? Good.

The first is that when I was about seven, my dad--who sort of always wanted to be in advertising but was also very happy as a lawyer--had some tee-shirts printed up for the (all-male) partners in his firm that said:

"If you like our shirts, you should see our briefs."

I thought that was totally brilliant but at the same time I couldn't get my mind around it, because the shirt was about itself. It was years later that I learned "self-referential," and so many things were suddenly clarified for me.

The second thing--are you still there?--is that my sons and their friend have this game "baby puppy," which consists solely of establishing the rules for the game. Like, one of them says, "Let's play baby puppy." And another one says, "Yeah, and pretend you were the mother." And the third one says, "Yeah, and pretend you couldn't talk at all because you were a baby and I had to feed you and bring you toys." And then the first one says, "Yeah, and pretend we were in the jungle and there were tigers chasing after us." And yet they never actually play.

Thank you for your time.

Peggy Sez.. said...

I wondered if I was the only one getting the enlarge your penis e-mails.But how about the Geico change your ins. or the printer ink really cheap or view your Capital One bill now..Oh wait that one WAS for me.

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