Alvie Singer and Family

Scene: 10:30 PM and all children are supposed to be fast asleep. Mother stealing an uninterrupted hour to type a Very Important Blog Post. Pitter patter of little feet down the stairs.

6-year-old Child: Mommy, I can't sleep.

Mother: Why not, Honey? What's wrong?

Child: I keep thinking bad things.

Mother: Oh no! What are you thinking about? Was Scooby Doo Meets The Mummy too scary before bedtime?

Child: No, not Scooby Doo. I keep thinking about what you said at Girl Scouts.

Mother: What I said...? What did I say at Girl Scouts?

Child: It was when you were talking about outer space.

Mother: Hmmm. Honey, I really can't think of anything I said that might have been frightening. Can you tell me what scared you?

Child: You said that the sun is four billion years old...

Mother: Well, yes...give or take.

Child: ...and that it would burn out soon.

Mother: Uh, well...not soon. Not for about another four billion years. Give or take.

Child: But I keep thinking about what will happen to us when it burns out!

Mother: Well, Honey, I'm thinking that barring some sort of miraculous anti-aging serums or exceedingly good luck, we're not going to be around in four billion years to find out.

Child: Why? Where will I be?!

Mother: Uh...well...you do understand that the average Western human lifespan is around eighty...

Child whimpers.

Mother: I mean...nine..

Child whimpers and sniffles.

Mother: ...a hundred and twenty years old?

Child: That's not a lot of time! What will we do when the sun goes out! Where will all the people live?! What will happen to the animals?!

Mother: Hmmm. Well, I'm thinking that in the next four billion years, someone will figure out a solution.

Child: Maybe build a spaceship to travel to another planet?

Mother: Uhm...hmmmm...

Child sniffles and bites lower lip.

Mother: Yes! Of course! A spaceship is entirely possible!

Child: And all the animals?

Mother: Absolutely! All the animals too!

Child: And my toys?

Mother: Of course!

Child: Okay.

Mother: Do you feel better now?

Child: Yes.

Mother: Okay. Now, back up to bed. Mommy is doing her Mommy stuff.

Child: Good night, Mommy.

Mother: Good night.

Mother resumes typing. 10 minutes later, the pitter patter of slightly larger feet down the stairs.

9-year-old Child: I can't sleep.

Mother: What's wrong, Dear?

Child: You know how Daddy said that the universe is expanding?

Mother:

Child: You know how the universe is expanding, and...

Mother: Wouldn't you rather talk about the monster under your bed?

Child: No.

Mother: The monster in your closet?

Child: No.

Mother: You sure?

Child: You know how the universe is expanding....


Fin.

21 comments:

Kath said...

LOL! Your 9 year old and my 9 year old definitely should get together more often. Of course, they might just wind up scaring each other more, especially if he shares his ideas about alien abductions with her.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh gosh, that same scene has played out in this house a time or two. Sometimes having smart, perceptive kids is a tightrope walk, innit?

Anne said...

They are perseptive! You completely described a Noah's Ark like story with no sun instead of rain and a space ship instead of an ark. You could write a book. hehehe...

Professor J said...

I sometimes worry about the expanding universe, myself.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Mistake number 1: educating your children so the can ask you probing questions!

Mrs. G. said...

I would keep the global warming issue under wraps for a while.

Julie Pippert said...

The thing I like least about parenting is how no good deed or trait goes unpunished, and I'd like to note that it seems to be the parents getting the most discipline around our house.

Still, since these aren't MY kids in this post...how cute and bright are they! I love it!

anne said...

Don't ever, EVER let them see the show The Day After. It mentally tortured me for years.

And I probaly would have sent Prima right back to dad for more on the expanding universe.

Katie Alender said...

Ha! When I was a kid, my biggest fear about any kind of disaster was the fate of the world's kittens.

Melanie said...

Bless their hearts.

Mrs. G. is right. Whatever you do, don't tell them about the polar bears.

Life As I Know It said...

You are having some serious scientific late night talks!

I agree...might want to hold off on the global warming thing

Candy said...

Holy crap, my son was exactly the same way at that age. He would picture the end of the world every night before bed time. He recently told me (he's 15 now) that sometimes he lies in bed at night and imagines a world where I have died. And cries himself to sleep.

That sounds way worse written down than it did in my head.

Shawn said...

oh, jesus, that's good stuff. can i sell my girls' before they turn 6 and then buy them back around ... hell, when? i am not sure.

mothergoosemouse said...

I had the same conversations with my own mother when I was a kid. Except she was watching Johnny Carson and eating Hershey's kisses instead of blogging.

a. beaverhausen said...

Had the same conversation here when ours were younger. I appreciate the fact that they listened to me, but their incessant worry was hard to take.

bombaygirl said...

Oh yeah! I can't wait for those questions. Oh to be a child, when all that matters is the end of the world and destruction of all beings (and toys!) When they grow up, they'll learn to worry about more immediate/important matters. ;)

Theresa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Theresa said...

That deleted comment was the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, but I thought it might be too much for your kids to handle. ;)

Your 6-year-old sounds like my middle kid. Those Universe questions can be tricky. It's easier to deal with the ones that look up naughty stuff on the Internet...just unplug the computer. But the ones that ask questions...oh my. :)

Krista said...

been there before! my 7 year old still needs a lesson from Christopher Columbus in that the world isn't flat and we can't sail off of the end of it if we get in a boat and just keep going!
love those kinds of conversations for which every answer begets yet another impossible to answer question! :)

slouching mom said...

Is it not totally weird that right now, as I'm reading blogs, I'm watching Annie Hall?

RIGHT NOW.

Melissa said...

I have recently had that conversation in my home. Cracks me up, but at the same time reminds me that although they are really smart and mature, they are just still kids.

Thanks for stopping by! And if you need any advice for a science night, just let me know!

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