The Really Big Announcement!

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

First of all!

In searching for an appropriate graphic to accompany my Really Big Announcement, I found this super The Awezome…blog would you call it? Web site? Anywho, it’s called Natalie Dee and I’m just thinking her graphics are way neato. Even the really irreverent and vulgar ones. (But don’t tell my kids I said so.)

Why, there’s this one.

And this one.

And this one is me by 5:30 every Monday night.

Look at that! I just stumbled upon Natalie Dee, and I’m in love with her already. Unless “Natalie Dee” is the name of a group, in which case, I’m in love with them.

So!

The Really Big Announcement!

Okay! Here it is!

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhht…NOW!

It’s the

WIN A DATE WITH JOZET” CONTEST!

Whooo Hoooo!!!!

whoo?

hoo?

*crickets*

Okay, well first of all, it isn’t really a date because I’m already happily married, and I’m not an Osmond. And, also, you aren’t going to get to first base with me no matter how many margaritas you feed me, and I don’t care if you do arrive at the date wearing a Meatloaf mask and singing Paradise By The Dashboard Light, it just ain’t happening. So put that rumor to rest right now.

Second of all, if you’re an Internet ax murderer thinking that I’m a tasty morsel, or if you’re just a real weirdo thinking “Golly, but wouldn‘t it be fun to keep Madame Jozet locked in my basement and dressed up in a Hillary Clinton mask", well think again. 'Cause I know karate. And if you lock me in your basement, I'd actually probably enjoy the quiet time.

Anyway, at no time will we ever be alone together (in fact, at all times, we will be in very crowded, busy venues with security cameras and trained tigers) so if you're thinking that Madame Jozet just might be the bigger weirdo - and I might be - you'll be safe from me. You're also free to bring along your own chaperon and/or body guard and/or trained tiger.

I don't mind.

It's so rare that I get to feel dangerous. It's so exotic.

ANYWAY anyway, if you are also thinking

“Cool!

I want to meet Madame Jozet in Philadelphia on March 1 and go to Alayan’s on 4th Street for some mouth-watering schawarma*, down a pitcher of margarita’s** at CopaBanana***, and then head to the Electric Factory to get crazy with Gogol Bordello!!”

then this is the contest for you!

Now, I do understand that this contest is a bit geographically limited. (See Alternate Contest below if you’re out of spitting range or if you’re allergic to cheese steaks.)

I mean, I do suppose that there could be readers out there who are so ga-ga over the thought of sitting across from me and watching me chew shawarma with my mouth open that they’d book air travel to Philadelphia.

However, I’m not betting on it.

But! If you are within spitting distance of Philadelphia and you think that a night of food, drink, and crazy mad dancing for two hours straight with Yours Truly sounds like heck-a-fun, then pay attention, friend!

CONTEST RULES:

Actually, I haven’t thought this part through.

Sorry.

I was originally thinking of making the “Win A Date With Jozet” a charity auction, but how embarrassing would that be if the winner only bid two bits? I’d be the laughing stock at Angelina Jolie’s next cocktail party.

Then I was thinking of an essay contest…“Why I Want To Spend A Night With Madame Jozet!“ But then I’d have to grade all the essays, and my last red pen just ran out of ink.

A haiku contest crossed my mind…but that’s been so overdone.

How about this!

How about I let each contestant make up her/his own rules for the contest, and then enter according to those rules?

Wow!

That’s like so post-post-post-modern it may not even exist as a concept or philosophy, yet!

So, for example, you might want to enter the contest by submitting a photo of your ugliest shirt, and then threaten to wear that shirt on the date!

OR! OR! You might want to write a list of word associations beginning with “Halushki”!

OR! Maybe you do want to write an essay entitled “Most Unique” and then try not to use the words “butter” or “onions” in that essay. Not as easy as it sounds, let me tell you!

It’s the Anarchy Contest!

Maybe not…

Anyway, you can submit your entry in one of several ways:

ENTRY GUILDELINES:

1. Post your entry in the comments, or
2. Post your entry in your blog and let me know the link, or
3. Email your entry to yonkogirl808 @ yahoo . com (except leave out all those spaces.)

Contest is open to everyone****! just everyone*****! including family and friends who really know me. Although, can anyone say that they really, really know me?

CONTEST DEADLINE: Sunday, February 10 at 3:37 PM EST Winner will be chosen by random drawing of all entries. That means that I’m going to put everyone’s name in a hat and have the baby pick one name.

And, just because I don’t want to leave anyone out…


ALTERNATE CONTEST NUMBER ONE

Same non-rules as above, but the winner receives a brand new, unopened, highly sought after box of THIN MINT GIRL SCOUT COOKIES signed by Yours Truly. And yes, I will ship worldwide. (I’m guessing that I’m allowed to ship cookies worldwide? As long as they aren‘t wrapped in hemp or Japanese beetles?) Although, I can’t promise that some postal worker in Labrador won’t open the box and eat them. Thin Mints are that good.

Same entry guidelines and deadlines.

ALTERNATE “DATE WITH JOZET”

If you were already thinking of buying your own ticket to see Gogol Bordello at The Electric Factory any which way, and you want to get together for shawarma and or booze and or just dancing, let me know! I mean, if you want to meet up with me. If not…uh…I suppose I understand that, too. I tend to mooch money for beers. Otherwise, the more the merrier!

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I still might do a charity auction.

Or, rather, charity blackmail.

Someone - who shall remain nameless **cough cough** Kenny **cough cough** -
someone had a bit too much nectar of the Gopher Gods at the Boilo Party and ended the night with a little booty boogie with his doopa (i.e. “backside” or “buttocks“) hanging out in the altogether.

It wasn’t pretty.

But it was pretty hairy.

And I thought that I could take bids to either show the bare booty photo online, or counter bids to not show the photo online.

Right now, I’m blackmailing someone **cough cough** Kenny **cough cough** into purchasing a case of Thin Mints to not show the photo. We’ll see if “someone” comes through. I need to sell a lot of Thin Mints because Girl Scout camp is getting expensive.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So! There it is!

Have fun, enter soon and be creative. Or not. No points deducted for being lame. Or added for being extra cute.

And if I don’t get any entries at all, well in that case I’ll just have to bring along my husband (who does not want to see Gogol Bordello, but who I can bribe with Thin Mints) and think of a better prize next time.

Like a tour of my refrigerator. Or a pair of socks.


* Or cheese steaks. Or meal of your choice.
** Or rootbeer floats. Or milk. Or drink of your choice.
*** At establishment of your choice

****ax murderers not included
*****Mitt Romney not included

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

alright, my rules for the contest are.. you must bare your duppa for a photo by jozet, and be willing to have her post said photo on her blog for the right to get to attend the gogol bordello show with the photographer. blackmail probably won't work well. nobody is going to pay to have you post the pic, and i'm not paying to not post it. you really think you're the only one with a picture of my ass? hardly! so, anyone else willing to compete by my contest rules? oh, and if you're that desperate to sell more thin mints, you could count me in on 2 more boxes. ken

Jozet at Halushki said...

So...2 more boxes of Thin Mints for Kenny.

And is that your entry for the contest? Are you in for March 1 if you win? Let me know.

Anonymous said...

please don't misunderstand my previous comment, i am not challenging you to post the pic of my posterior. it's probably inevitable that it will "rear" itself soon enough. i was thinking about trying to score tix for the show myself. i need to talk to k&a to see if it's of any interest to them. i'll let you know. oh, and by the way, have i ever told you just how charming and delightful you really are? far too charming to degrade your blog with nasty photos of a drunk making an ass of himself. ken

Jozet at Halushki said...

"far too charming to degrade your blog with nasty photos of a drunk making an ass of himself. "

Nice try, Kenny.

;-)

Professor J said...

Ah, Jozet, if I were not so very far from you and so very poor, I would be on the first flight to Philadelphia for those cheese steaks and margaritas!

I am going to put some serious thought into your contest and let you know when I have

anastasia beaverhausen said...

(sniff) I live too far away.

Chag said...

Why does everyone hate us Internet ax murderers? Life is so unfair.

Noelle said...

I was forced to buy girl scout cookies this morning. It was awesome. Somewhere some girl scouts are making a batch of tagalongs with my name on it. Although it would be cool if you signed them, too.

lildb said...

completely, TOTALLY pissed (not drunk, either, which makes the whole thing blow harder), PISSED that I don't live even *somewhat* regionally.

wah.

' luck to the bastards who do. stupid wankers.

sigh.

I refuse to enter because of a) the carbon footprint involved in getting one lousy box of cookies outta the deal, even with teh awesome signature by le divine Jozet, and b) because haHA I am so kidding about that last thing but really I'm just too effing lazy to create rules and such-like for entering things. I am, mainly and mostly, for all intents and purposes, on any given day, tres slothful.

stupid wanker who gets to hang out with Jozet totally can suck it.

wah, the sequel.

my work here is done.

wait. not so fast. if I hear rumors of conversation b/w the winner and the winnee that involves Tony and Tia and returning to Witch Mountain and ice-cream fountains in dream bedroom suites, I will be yelling wanker to the very skies. the very. skies., I say.

*considers moving to PA*

Jozet at Halushki said...

*taking notes*

lildb enters with best complaint about not living closer to Philadelphia. Wants the cookies, but respects Al Gore too much. Also mentions Witch Mountain for the "Obscure Reference to 70's Kids' Movies" contest.

kristabella said...

Man I wish I lived in Philly!

cuz E said...

Hey there Jozie Girl.

Too bad your not offering NY tickets, cuz you could spring for sushi and booze and I could get the gogol's to sweat on the ugly t-shirt of your choice. Or at least dance a box of thin mints into the floor.

BOSSY said...

Bossy is so confused, but she's in. At least she thinks she's in. Is this in?

Jozet at Halushki said...

Bossy is IN!

You have entered with "Most Confused" entry.

PSoTD said...

Why does everyone hate us Internet ax murderers? Life is so unfair.

Hey, at least you get mentioned. Those of us that are local cable access television hatchet maimers get no press at all, even when we do it on our programs, which, of course, nobody is watching. But if you're not doing anything this Saturday at 11:15 AM, check out Channel 91.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Sigh; this contest is geographically impossible for me. But have fun!

Kath said...

Oooh, maybe I can win the "most local friend" award! I can pick you up in ten minutes!

(Although I've already had the privilege of touring Philly with you, so I understand if you want to give someone else a turn!)

Variations On A Theme said...

Man! Finally an afternoon alone. My little guy's at the in-laws. I was planning to clean the house and walk the dogs. Maybe make supper before I have to pick up girlie from school.

But now....now it all has to wait, because I must come up with something FABULOUS to win that prize.

I hadn't even heard of Gogol Bordello until today, but that spot on Letterman! Whoa! (And by the way the cowboys on ice produced a few smiles...and some other things best left unmentioned.)

So, let's see....my rules for the contest would be:
1. Come up with a list of at least two rules for the contest.
2. One of the rules must be "come up with a list of rules."

I win!

P.S. I LOVE your blog. I'm a new regular.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Rules: Person who leaves the 19th comment gets a box of thin mints and Jozet has to drunk dial her.

we_be_toys said...

It sounds like so much fun! I wish I was closer, but I'm thinking the middle of North Cackalacky, even though its on the east coast, isn't exactly local.
Its very sad, as I am all about margaritas and philly cheese steaks.
deep, deep sigh of malcontentedness.

Chantelle said...

Sooo...you might already have a date taken for Win a date with Jozet, but we're overdue, sister, and I have every.Friday.night.free.

mothergoosemouse said...

I'm in for the Thin Mints. And I would so be in for the shwarma and margaritas if I didn't have this new appendage that prevents me from doing just about everything except sniffing it constantly.

(It's a baby, people. Geez.)

Bastet said...

I know it's too late...but sounds like fun!

Shawn said...

I put this on my to-do list and now i"m back a day late and a dollar short. Not to mention a cheese steak or, at least, a box of cookies. dang.

But, we have a birthday party that day anyway.

Can't wait to see who the lucky winners will be!

Jozet at Halushki said...

Shawn,

If you need Girl Scout cookies, I can hook you up.

I'm not supposed to sell over the Internet...technically...but can I help it if during the course of blog narrative I mention that my daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies and then thousands of people email me to place their orders?

No...I cannot help that.

:-)

MamaMo said...

Man!! A day (and a week) late and a dollar (or actually a plane ticket) short, or I'da SOOOO entered this contest.

jess said...

Bummer, I missed out! Oh well, plane ticket to PA is probably not in the budget right now anyway. I do miss the east coast, but not so much when it's 65 in California in February. ;)

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