Okay, I'm about to voice a very strong complaint and in doing so, I am going to use Not-Nice Language that may change your opinion about me, and I just want you all to be forewarned. In other words, if you prefer to maintain your image of me as the Julie Andrews of the blogging world, then just scroll down to the meme below.

Here goes:

Who the hell do I have to screw to find a pair of khaki pants that fits me?'s not like I'm astoundingly tall, nor do I have a tail, and although my torso is longish - proportionally speaking - and my belly is a bit poochy, I can't be the only woman of average height and weight, without a tail but with a pooch, who needs a frackin' pair of khaki pants to wear to a flippin' Girl Scout bridging event.

Holy frickin' hell.

That's all.


The Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire Meme

My seestor hit me up for this a while back. I've been saving this meme for a day when I was feeling a bit cranky and mendacious (thank you, PMS) because I knew that I'd do this meme a harm if I tried to complete it on a sunny, unbloated day.

So, the way I understand this:

I tell you six (6) things about myself.

One of those things is a lie.

You guess the lie.

Easy peasy?

Good. Let's begin.

1. I took a gun to high school.

2. I got thrown off a racehorse.

3. I know most of the lyrics to
Redneck Yacht Club and sing along in my car.

4. I once set my shirt on fire while cooking B├ęchamel sauce.

5. I kissed Mick Jagger.

6. I ran over a television with my 1966 Mustang.

Boy! Even if two of those are lies, I'd say I've lived a very full life, wouldn't you agree?

Okay now, have fun wit dat, yous guys!


Debbie said...

can I be honest? I was sincerely hoping someone else had commented already so I could peak at their answers and, well, okay, yes, possibly, only more like definitely, steal. blatantly thieve.

you didn't kiss Mick Jagger? is that too obvious - is that why you included it?

I am NOT GOOD at this game. I forfeit.

*wrings hands, muttering about whether it was the horse or the gun -- or, my god, she actually made out with Mick, hunkers into fetal position, begins rocking*

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

If you really kissed Mick Jagger, I want to hear the details. The rest sound pretty plausible (although possibly stupid also). said...

"(although possibly stupid also)"

Oh, you got that right. :-)

rockygrace said...

Well, Number 5 was my first guess (because what are the odds?), but that one's already taken, so I guess I'll have to go with Number 6. Because running over a TV would do some serious damage to the car, and who would want to do that to a '66 Mustang?

MamaMo said...

Either you are nuts OR you are one crazily creative liar (OR both).
My guess... oh dang! I've forgotten what they all were (except for the Mick Jagger thing - which was NOT going to be my guess anyway). Since I was going to totally blindly guess, I'll just use my favorite number - 2.

Anonymous said...

I have not read the comments yet....but I say woman - You did NOT kiss Mick Jagger!!

DID YOU?!?!?!

Ms. Huis Herself said...

I was debating between #1 & #5, but since so many people have voted #5 already, I'll go with #1 and bringing a gun to school.

Rima said...

Ann Taylor, maybe?

I'm guessing #5, too, but not with confidence.

Anonymous said...

I probably have about 11 pairs of kakhi's and not a one fits to my satisfaction. My official guess for the meme shall be number four.And that's that. P.S. loved the poem in the next post. it ranks up there. -Pinella

Anonymous said...

Did you try Old Navy? I can usually find something there that fits right. Cheap too. Let me know if you find anything.

I say you never got thrown off a racehorse! said...

I don't know, Mick.

Your bum is far skinnier than mine is. But I'll give Old Navy a try.


Debbie said...

dude. I am a horse's ass. not the one that you were thrown from.

I just had to come back and see whether you'd revealed the magical answer yet - and I discovered that I MISSPELLED A WORD. Jozet, you should have deleted my comment without a second thought. MISSPELLED.

good lord.

shoot me now.

also, I have khaki issues, too - jcrew used ta treat me right, but nowadays, my ass is all wonky and nothing works out the same way anymore.

such is life. wonky ass, misspelled words - the horrah.


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PypersTune said...

Well, my gut was to say the Mick Jagger thing, but now I'm thinking, well shit, I bet Mick Jagger has kissed a lot of people, so why not? So I'm going with....hmmm.....I don't know...Number 1. The gun thing. Or maybe the car and the TV. When will you reveal? It's killing me. said...

"When will you reveal? It's killing me."

I'll try to find some time to write tonight, so look for the reveal sometime Satuday!

Anonymous said...

first things first, the poem to a plastic flytrap was very good indeed. i think i want one now. second, who do you have to screw for decent khakis? i don't know but it must not be senoir halushki. now to play liar, liar. what is it with you crosby girls and the whole gun to school thing. to an outsider you would both seem to be great advocates of the constitution, or did you just steal one of anne's listings and use it as you own. did you get thrown off a race horse, or was it just you average run of the mill riding mare? i would hope you wouldn't know any words to a song called "red neck yacht club" which means you probably do. i can see you setting yourself on fire while cooking, it's the bechamel sauce i question (could you have been making one of the other mother sauces). as for the popular guess, mick? you may as well have said pete townsend cooked you a bacon sandwich. finally the tv, mustang collision. why would you do that to either car or idiot box, and was the tv in someones living room running an episode of mamma's family? so now that i've tried to rationalize the choice to be made, i think i'll guess the red neck yacht club song. even if you know most of the words, why or why would you sing along in your car? you do know that you sister gave a reward for the right answer? although truth be told, none of us know if nancy ever got her tastycakes. ken

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I'm going to go with #1 as the lie. Because I really want to believe that you kissed Mick Jagger.

Jen lleras said...

From what I understand I am indeed the most average woman in the world, I wear a size 12-13 have a pooch and a medium caraige (why does that sound sexist) I have to wear khaki pants at trade shows (see my avitar) Those awful things came from wal-mart because I forgot to pack my good khakis which came from target I also have a nice pair from express. If you would like my recommendation express editor pants seem to be tailor fit to the average woman, I don't even try them on anymore. They have room in the butt, a little room in the front and they stay true to their sizes! They are expensive, Every once in a while I hit a sale, but otherwise worth it!

- said...

I've been kinda halfway paying attention for the past 17 years, so here's what I think:

#1 is true, although with an asterisk.
#2 is false.
#3 is subjectively true, in that you *think* you know the words to all sorts of songs, and you do sing along to some godawful shizzle in the cadizzle.
#4 is one of many such true tales.
#5 is true.
#6 is true.

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