Quick Summer Report

I only yelled 18 times today.

That's down from 22 times yesterday and 98 times Monday.

At one point, after asking a child to pick-up a swimsuit that was just dropped - kerplop! - in the middle of the living room floor, I had to go through my whole "I'm not your personal Cinderella" routine, and another time, I had to actually stomp my foot and say, "I don't care if it is summer vacation. When does Mommy's summer vacation start? Huh?! When?! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!" To which they had no good answer.

I think that even though they've seen photos of me as a young girl - riding my bike, jumping through creeks, pigtails galore - that really, this is some sort of myth that I perpetuate about myself and that, perhaps, the pictures are Photoshopped. (Damn that Photoshop!)

That I never existed as a 9-year-old, but instead, was born fully-formed, sprung from the head of Martha Stewart, and holding a limp, green dishrag in one hand, a bottle of ibuprofen in the other.

That's what I think they think.

Anyway, I find that you gotta clamp down on some kids (mine) hard in the first week of summer vacation -

Vacation Boot Camp, I likes to call it -

and then by the end of next week, after we're all agreed on The Program, why then, summer becomes downright idyllic.

Time for chores.

Time for fun.

Lots of lemonade and freeze pops and ponies and sandcastles.

And after Vacation Boot Camp, everyone knows exactly where Mommy's bright line is when it comes to Joyful Indulging of the Adorable Children on one side, and Pack Your Own Water Bottle, Kid, Or You're Going To Be Darn Thirsty Later On on the other.

We run a tight ship here.

This week, there's a lot of swabbing decks and Aye-Aye, M'ams.

Next week, we break out the rum.

Well, I do anyway.

Onward, Ho!


Anonymous said...

Wow. Help me Jesus. School just got out today and we've already had one teenage meltdown and a whiny 10 year old "HOW COME I CAN'T blah blah blah?????" We have one week of "kind of" nothing to do then the one ahs a 6 week program and the other a 4 week program. I'm gonna hold out hope for that schedule...except one program is AM, the other PM. UGH! Wish me lucj!

Chris said...

Ooh! "I'm not your personal Cinderella." I'll be using that in the future.

At least ten times tomorrow.

MommyTime said...

This is excellent. I can't wait till my kids are old enough to use it. (do you think 4 and 2 are too young? I'm guessing yes, since our schedule never even changes from season to season yet...) Vacation Boot Camp. Must remember that.

Blog Antagonist said...

I yelled 672 times today alone. My son has accused me of extreme sarcasm 47 times since dinner.

God help me.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

School's not even out yet and I need rum (and several muzzles).

Mrs. G. said...

Your parenting skillz continue to inspire me.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to keep this approach in mind for the future. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

Mother Theresa said...

Ours have one more week, and then we start VBC over here as well. I'm drawing up the chore list at this very moment...and typing this comment with the other. What do you think, is mowing the lawn too much to expect from a 9 year old? Damn, and I thought I'd just be able to kick back while they did all the work. ;)

Peggy Sez.. said...

My personal favorite line is..
"You HAVEN'T seen my badside yet"

Krista said...

One of the happiest days of the year that any parent can look forward to...is the 1st day back to school! The novelty of "summer vacation" wears off in about, oh, a nanosecond and summer vacation actually ends up entailing more work and hassle!

I personally consider myself lucky (in this instance anyhow!) that I work full time and don't have to be trapped at home with the little buggers trying to find umpteen creative ways to keep them entertained, contained non-combative and away from the boob-tube. I pay summer camp program tuition for that!!
Cinderella sure don't live in our house either!

mamatulip said...

School's not even out for my kid and I'm already yelling WAY more than I regularly do. And I just had a total MOTHER OF THE YEAR moment a few minutes ago. It's about a zillion degrees outside and the kids are playing with the water table, which means they splash around, then tip the fucking thing over and beg me to fill it up again. Repeat.

So while I'm filling up the water table, for the UMPTEENTH time, Julia stands beside me and is like, "Can I drink from the hose? Can I? Can I? Can I? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

I was distracted, you see, by trying to get my son to put his underwear back on, and when I realized she was talking to me it was like realizing a mosquito was sucking blood from my arm - a sudden, snap reaction, which I had. I turned to her and said, "Julia, shut up.

God. Give me that rum.

Carey said...

Hysterical! Ahh, yes, summer vacation...remember those good 'ol days...Wait, is this payback? Oh, boy, I am in trouble!

Vacation Boot Camp...Yes! I will write this down.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

No, no. You were right the first time. Rum is appropriate for everyone involved.

Karen Jensen said...

When does Mommy get a summer vacation? Priceless

painted maypole said...

it takes you a whole week to break out the rum?

Kelli said...

We have year-round boot camp here at the "I'm the meanest mom in the world because I expect you to clean your own room and still go to bed at 9 during the summer" Classic home.

PunditMom said...

I feel your pain.

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