Random Stuff: And/Or

Last week of school here, so everything is happening at once: track and field days, last dance recitals, class picnics, final Girl Scout meeting. Plus, there's an ice skating competition coming up next weekend. How do I do it? One word.


A few other ditties, file under:

Life as I knew it is over

The baby is crawling out of his crib.

I'm wondering...as a writer who is attempting to make art with her blog, are there any grants available that would help me pay for, say, a screen door on that baby's bedroom and/or 20 hours a week of babysitting time and/or a foot massage?

Seriously, I'm asking.

9 year old's opinion of the current US President and/or The Mainstream Media made evident

6 year old: Two plus two is four.

9 year old: No it isn't.

6yo: Yes it is!

9yo: No. It isn't. Not anymore.

6yo: Yes it is! Two plus two is four!

9yo: No. Two plus two used to equal four. But the President changed the answer to three.

6yo: Really?

9yo: Yes. Really. Two plus two equals three.

6yo: Who told you that?

9yo: It was reported in the newspaper.

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say, and Which Will Definitely End Up In My Kids' Tell All Book

"From now on, I'm not asking if you have to pee. I'm telling you that you're going to pee. And you're going to pee. This past half hour has been nothing but a pee parade. If you remember nothing else of everything I've tried to teach you about life, remember this: when you have the chance to pee, take it."

Bum-ba-dum-ba-dum. Bapa-dum-bum.


That beat goes on.

[Okay, the woman playing guitar at 4:55? She's downright sexy mean with the axe . She makes Elvis "Tight camera shot above the hips" Presley look like an altar boy. Damn. Pardon my objectification of women, but she needs to be front and center.]


Anonymous said...

My crush on you continues unabated.

Life As I Know It said...

Thanks for a funny post!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Flashing back to the time I ended up screaming at my 26 month old in a bathroom at the Wild Animal Park "You will pee in that toilet!"

In my defense she was fully potty-trained and just had a problem with public restrooms (who knew? it was her first visit to one) and it was our 6th attempt in an hour.

Shawn said...

It's sad when our prez is actually dumber than a 5th grader. I think you have a future prez on your hands ...

mamatulip said...

This is brilliant.

We stack two baby gates in Oliver's bedroom doorway. When I stand in the hall and look at him standing on the other side I feel like I should poke a carrot through the holes or something.

Debbie said...

what Anne Nahm said, multiplied by a number that does not exist. except in my own mind. just trust that it is a very big number, and even though you (nor anyone else) can see it, the important thing is that it exists.

push mowers forEVAH!

Moobs said...

My mum exercised a powerful pee mojo over me. Before every journey she would ask me if I need to go and I would say no but then instantly I would need the loo. It's not much of a superpower I admit but at least she resolved to use her powers for good.

Anonymous said...

At 20 years old, I am still the one on long car trips that has to pee either 10 minutes in or RIGHT after we pass the last rest stop for 42 miles.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

F-ing President. Now, he's gone and changed math

My life in pee consists of asking, "Do you have to pee?" to my 5 year old every hour or so. We won't even get into how failing I am at potty training my 3yo son.

Namito said...

I'm going to remember that pee line and use it.

Not that it will change anything...
It's not I like I have the magic presidential touch or anything.

Wait that came out kind of...ew.

Never mind.

Thanks for visiting!

Krista said...

Great rockin' clip of Bo Diddley!! I was saddened to hear of his death yesterday. I love the back up singer chick that's actually playing electric guitar. Yes indeed...THAT beat will forever go on. He was quite the talent and a legend..thanks for including some props to Bo!
Yep and I'm with on the end of the school year craziness..if I try to fit it one more baseball game, party, picnic, field trip, pre-school graduation ceremony, etc..into my already jam packed schedule, I think I'm gonna lost it!

Anonymous said...

I've tried to explain the beauty of using nice bathrooms to my kids, but they don't seem to understand or agree with me. They always wait until we leave the house, are somewhere with questionable bathrooms. Or worse, wait until no bathrooms are available.

It's ridiculous. Go when they're available. Always.

josetteplank.com said...

"I love the back up singer chick that's actually playing electric guitar."

Absolutely! I'm reminded of that quote about Ginger Rogers doing everything Fred Astaire did but backwards and in heels.

DId you watch to the end of the clip? She's awesome! Guitar lady is Bo Diddley-ing in heels and a form-fitting sheath. Girl! Damn!

Angela said...

I wouldn't be suprised if he had changed the answer to 3.

Too funny.


Anonymous said...

Coming to the party late, as usual. But I had to add my family's version of "when you have the chance to pee, take it". Never Pass Up a Pisser. Said on many a long car trips as we neared a rest area or stopped for gas.

Blog Ping