Vintage josetteplank.com | Speed Racer

School's out, it's 95 degrees with 99% humidity, and I've already hurt my foot while running around outdoors in my hillbilly flip-flops (i.e. bare feet).

Diagnosis?

SUMMER!

It's hot here, kids. Real hot.

And I ain't turning on the air conditioning yet because 1) I just turned off the heat last week and 2) I'm a good environmentalist so I don't want to make Al Gore cry.

I know, Al's probably laying back all cool and sweatless in his own home, but he has huge windmills and solar panels running his air conditioning. Or, at least, I'm guessing he does. Because, c'mon. He's got the kale to do it. (You like that? Kale? Anyway...)

Speaking of hot and doing my part to save the polar bears, has anyone taken a good look at an iceberg lately? I mean, a really good look?

Dude!

Look at all the ice under the iceberg!

What's it take to just flip one of those suckers over? Doesn't the Navy have some sort of boat with a big pushy-over type thingy? Do bloggers have to think of everything?

Anyway, anyway...while I'm sitting at home here bakin' my potatoes off, I'm thinking how summer gets real busy - as well as being real hot - what with my kids now not being in school all day and how they just aren't content to sit on the front porch all day and throw rocks at dogs, like I was. And if I want to get more than one post up a week, I'm going to have to fudge it here and there.

One way of making fudge - perhaps kale and baked potato fudge - is to dig up old posts from my not so distant past, and reintroduce a lot of you newer readers to some Number One Hits that didn't happen to get a lot of airplay. I mean, I think they're good. And I think you might enjoy them. And although I'd like to flatter myself that anyone who drops by here even once will then spend the next 26 hours clicking back through my archives to squeeze out as much unique butter and onion as they can, well....

I'm not that crazy from the heat.

So, here it is:

Your Sunday Vintage Flashback.

Once upon a time, during the early days of Halushki....

(Cue Wayback machine and swirly screen.)

-----------------------------------------

Uhhhh...ooohh...UUhhhhHHHhhhnnn...

.Can you guess what's on my television?

OoooOOOOOoohhhhh.

I'm in the kitchen, doing dishes, listening to our newest DVD playing in the next room...

Uh! Uhhhnn!

and wondering why my legs are suddenly feeling warm, tingly drunk...

Ohhh, Speeeeeeed!

That's right, here he comes...

UNNNGGG!

Here comes Speed Racer.



In a fit of nostalgia, I bought the first season of Speed Racer on DVD. You remember the first season with such timeless episodes as The Mammoth Car, the story of the No Limit World Race in which a giant 200-yard-long, 3500 horsepower car is entered against the Mach 5.

OHHH!

And The Most Dangerous Race in which Speed is temporarily blinded in a car crash, and the Masked Racer (a.k.a. Racer X) - a strapping gentleman wearing a black, latex bondage mask - doubles-up with Speed to (spoiler alert!) win the race.



Ho! Ha! Ho!

And with all the characters beloved in my youth: Sparky, the pimply, young mechanic with an ever ready set of wrenches; Pops, the dear curmudgeon who doles out no-nonsense discipline with a wink in his eye; Trixie, the saucy, shapely nymphette of the speedway; Spritle, Speed's kid brother who speaks like a 50-year-old chain smoking drag queen; and, Chim Chim the...chim chim.

I bought Speed Racer not only to relive a little 5:00 PM-1972- sitting-in-the-livingroom-eating-gravybread-and-fishsticks-off-avacado-colored-plastic-plates; I also wanted to share what I remembered to be a wholesome, non-violent, non-Whatever-Blah-blah-blah-disaffected-animated-character cartoon with my children. In another fit - this time over our monthly budget - we axed our cable TV. So, no more PBS, no more Daily Show, no more EAR-SHATTERING VOLUME CHANGES AND ULTRA-FASTCUT COMMERCIALS SELLING THE LATEST, GREATEST CRAPOLA TO MY KIDS.

However, we are not complete Luddites here at Chez Halushki. We love T.V. and film, we really do. We even love movies. (Little joke for you arthouse types with extreme eyeglass frames.) And so, I thought I'd add to my daughters' viewing pleasure with a few of my favorite pre-Snot Rats, pre-Vomitting-CatDog favorites.

How about Green Acres for G-rated, non-violent entertainment? Or the Brady Bunch? Or H.R. Pufnstuf?

Or Speed Racer, in which a young man in tight white pants drives at top speeds without a seatbelt on, and in which a car explodes in the opening credits? Speed Racer, which features in the first episode a dark badman in a fedora holding a gun with a silencer to Sparky's head? Speed Racer, which was originally created in Japan and then dubbed into English with what sounds like a leftover soundtrack from some grainy Ron Jeremy porn flic.

Not that I'd know a...well, there was that time at the party when...ahhhhhhh....

Oh No! Speeeeeeeeeeeed! Look out!

By the way, my daughters adore when the car blows up in the opening credits.

Speed Racer. Wholesome, all-American entertainment for children.



And they said Sponge Bob was a deviant.

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The best thing about Speed Racer is that even though he was gobbling down valuable fossil fuels quicker than two Hummers driving uphill in a windstorm, at least he had his windows down and wasn't cranking his AC.

Which I tried today - not cranking the AC in the car - but...man!...it was hot out. I'm like, 99% excellent environmentalist, but that last 1% of ugly American is a b*tch to work through, let me tell you.

What about if I turn up the AC and open my windows.

Wouldn't that actually make the outside air cooler and save a polar bear?

Think about it! Dang, we bloggers are S-M-R-T smrt!

11 comments:

Black Hockey Jesus said...

We need a Hong Kong Phooey post. Hong Kong Phooey's the shit.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Brady Bunch and Happy Days were huge in our house growing up. HUGE.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I didn't even want to see the Speed Racer movie--I want to remember Speed and Trixie just the way they were.

Mother Theresa said...

It's hot there? I'll have some of that please. We've had nothing but rain. Heck, two weeks ago we even had hail. This isn't even looking close to summer. Now, if only I had the Brady Bunch to watch...

Kristin said...

If I had A/C, I'd run it every minute of everyday... even when it wasn't hot out... that's how much I love freon based air... and then I would write big checks to Greenpeace... or Al Gore.

Jozet at Halushki said...

kristin - lol!

A/C credits. I'll pay off Al Gore with compost.

Rima said...

"What's it take to just flip one of those things over?"

You SLAY me.

Anonymous said...

I had a serious crush on Speed Racer. And I have no desire to see the newest movie.
Yes! Hong Kong Phooey and his crazy cat, SPOT (who was striped)! Loved it all. My sister always went nuts for the Chugalug 7 and Trixie, I believe.

apathy lounge said...

The weather tricked us last night with some crazy 73 degree weather. I almost reached for my coat until I realized I was being "gaslighted" by Mother Nature. Sure enough...94 today.

Anonymous said...

really?, i liked speed racer as a kid, then watched an episode as an adult. i couldn't help but feel totaly ripped off. the animation was as bad as could be, and the story lines were simply stupid. how couldn't anyone know racer x was speed's brother? i do have to agree that hong kong phooey was great. after all he was "..number one super guy"

Trish (wheresthebox) said...

I didn't see Speed Racer as a kid, but my husband recently bought it for our son and it has been really fun to see!

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