I just caught myself Googling the following search phrase:
"Cookie Montser's Mother What The Hell"
So if it turns up on your site meter stats...that was me.
But, but, but!
This all started while we were at Sesame Place when my oldest child told me out of the blue that she didn't like Cookie Monster's mom.
Frankly, I didn't even know Cookie Monster had a mom - well, not that he didn't have a mom, but I didn't know that Jim Henson had actually fashioned an on-screen representation of her. I mean, I know that he has a biological mom....
So, this piece of news about my daughter's dislike of a Muppet knocked me off balance a bit.
Who actively doesn't like a Muppet? I can understand feeling more or less apathetic toward a certain foam rubber personality - sue me, but I could take or leave Gonzo - and on the opposite end of the emotional continuum, I could empathize with feeling kindly towards or even warm regard for a particular character (I heart Beaker!) And who here among us at one time or another has not identified with Kermit The Frog - the Everyman, the Bob Newhart of the Muppet World.
(Do you realize that I have just cornered the on-line search market on "Bob Newhart of the Muppet World"? Score!)
And good lord, lets not forget the most famous of all red furry monsters. I know entire preschool classes that have sworn oaths of fealty to him. This guy had it sooooooooo close.
But to dislike a lovable, furry-old childhood friend's mom? What kind of person has the insolence to say "I don't like your mom"? Pffft...I bet she wouldn't say it to Cookie Monster's face. Wimp.
So, when I asked her from whence the bad vibes, she told me in tones of great and serious import:
"Mommy...Cookie Monster's mom said a bad word."
Get the frick outta here!
"Honey, what bad word did Cookie Monster's mom say?"
"She said the H word."
"So what word did she say? You can tell Mommy. I mean, if Sesame Place is running Y-7 programming I need to know. We don't want little brother to learn any bad words, right?"
"Uhhh. Welllll. Cookie Monster's mom said...hell."
"Are you sure she said...hell."
"Yes. She did. Cookie Monster's mom was telling Cookie Monster that he couldn't eat a cookie before dinner, but then she wanted to eat the cookie before dinner, so she said 'What the...hell'...and then she ate the cookie."
"Are you sure she didn't say 'heck'?"
"No! She said...hell."
And because my daughter seemed so genuinely offended in her sensibilities, I believed her.
This is also the child who can walk into a room looking for her shoes, trip over them, have one bounce off her head, and then walk back out of the room and say - in all sincerity - "Nope. Not in there." In other words, she takes after her mother.
Cookie Monster's mom really didn't say...hell...did she?
And so the Googling.
Because if it isn't documented on the Internet, it didn't happen.
The infamous Letter of the Day bit.
B. Is for Bad Ass.
Time to get out the Q-tips and the water gun and clean me some ears.