Mid Summer To-Do List

1. Find library books.The White Giraffe? The Lord of the Rings? Anyone?

2. Take a shower. Swimming in the community pool doesn't count.

3. Do something with the two, enormous yellow squash someone "gifted" me.

4. Contemplate cicada sex. Those guys are loud!

5. Yell at kids because I can't find library books.

6. Look up "Practical Jokes Huge Yellow Squash" on Google

7. Put in a back patio by hand with my husband as expensive date/cheap couples therapy.

8. Tell someone I love them and appreciate them.

9. "I love and appreciate you."

10. Carve yellow squash into shape of Frodo and Samwise having mad cicada sex and send them to you in the mail. You're welcome!

11. Do you have my library books?


Until I have a chance to write a proper blog post, here's an outtake from the Black Hockey Sessions. This was after just one bottle of Southern Comfort. See how bloated one bottle makes your face look? Don't drink, kids.

41 comments:

cIII said...

I reckon a huge yellow squash would be better carved into a Gollum. Gollum would definately be into "mad cicada sex". And you're right. Those little fuckers are loud as all get out. All hope is lost regarding library books and kids. I, myself, shelled out $12.50 for a copy of Barnyard Dance (great book) the the Tater (age 1)"ate".

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I don't even have my own library books.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

My wife calls me a Frodo nerd. I sure hope you don't say something stupid about Gandalf and start this whole mess over.

moo said...

I current owe about $14 in library fines. I am forever returning things late. I suck.

'That Girl' said...

ARe you kidding me? The other night I was reading the lil guy a book that I thought was ours (because it's been here for 6 MONTHS) only to open the cover and see "property of ^$^&%* Parish Library!" Thank the lord it's in my mom's name.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Just think what you could do on a bottle of good bourbon and not that nasty stuff known as Southern Comfort.

'That Girl' said...

You should freeze the squash (after you carve them of course)

Karl said...

Hey there, thanks for visiting my blog and dropping some comment love. Cicadas ARE loud.

Kath said...

Will you post the photos of your squash carvings when they're done? I have some monster zucchini (zucchinis?) if you'd like to add them to your masterpiece.

Love your back-up percussion section, BTW. (They won't be over here jamming with my kids to your song, will they? Don't get me wrong, it was brilliant, but the idea of my three boys running around singing jay-jay-jay... well, my life is complicated enough right now.)

Jozet at Halushki said...

Kath -

Uh, no, you don't have to worry about va-jay-jay-jays. As a matter of fact, that was the only verse we recorded. I'm taunting CPS as it is with allowing my kids to run barefooted all summer and eat three squares a day of ice cream sandwiches. I'm not goofy enough to increase their vocabulary in such a colorful way. I have some semblance of parenting skills still in tact. ;-)

And yes! A zucchini carving contest! I'll bring the knives!

MarenG9 said...

http://www.recipezaar.com/79964

I usually just add a bit of cheddar to this recipe, rather than the insane amount of American cheese it calls for, but it is ridiculously good.

MetroDad said...

Holy crap! That outtake might even be funnier than the final version. Love the kids in the background waving their glow sticks. Too freaking funny. You have a new (and HUGE) fan.

Rima said...

I don't have the books, but my husband might. He's been banned from our localsystem due to continuous abuse of library privileges. I think he married me for my card.

Damselfly said...

You are truly a multitasker.

Mrs. G. said...

I could make some squash jokes, but I won't, because I'm trying to be a better person today. I'll come back tomorrow and be lude. BTW, you're up for Thursday.

Middle Aged woman said...

Two things:
1. As a kid, I thought that the noise cicadas make was electricity going throught the wires in the backyard.

2. You had to get Lord of the Rings from the library?

Lotta said...

Fuck, the pool doesn't count?

Middle Aged woman said...

Just a hypothetical question...if someone totally blogarted (I'm callin' that word. It's mine) your idea of a mid summer to-do list but also linked back to you and mentioned you prominently, well, would the consequences involve pudding?

Kath said...

Hey, at least yours are getting ice-cream sandwiches - mine only get zucchini bread and water.

You? Goofy? Nah...

Jozet at Halushki said...

omg..."blogarted" BEST NEW WORD IN BLOGGING LEXICON!

Totally blogarting it! With props, of course.

MommyTime said...

Oh crap! If the pool doesn't count, then my kids haven't bathed in three months. Well, sort of. I do make them shower off after the pool, so maybe that part counts, right? They use soap. The bathtub in our house is dry as a bone, though, since we go to the pool about four times a week, and no self-respecting mother bathes her kids more often than that, does she? (Don't tell me if she does. :) Thanks.)

Blog Antagonist said...

Admit it...those girls have been to an REO Speedwagon concert.

Books...I haven't read so much as a magazine insert all summer. I'm not sure I can read anymore.

Anonymous said...

I found you via BHJesus via The Bloggess. You totally rock..and I loved the groupies in the background! I only read a handful of blogs...and you are now in my Top 5.

props, props, and more props.

Diesel said...

The White Giraffe? Are you sure that's even a real book?

sybil law said...

Good luck with your list!
Your blog is awesome! i especially love your vacation post. So true!!!

Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

Nope, no books here. I haven't heard a cicada in years! I used to like the sound, but I was 7 at the time and could sleep through anything.

Peggy Sez.. said...

Laughing.Too.Hard.Can't.Breath.

I'm only here for the workout.
Laughing counts as an aerobic/cardio workout..right?

Variations On A Theme said...

Hey. Norton Anti-virus or Symantec or something just blocked your page saying that it was a "known fradulent web page." How crazy is that? I had to circumvent it to get here. I think Jeff Westbrook works for Symantec.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I seriously think library books should come with GPS tracking.

Jozet at Halushki said...

Andrea! SERIOUSLY smart idea! I need some sort of little GPS device that I could attach to my keys, my glasses, etc. Then a homing remote that I could click and an alarm would go off according to what I was searching for.

Because, you know, that's so much more simple and inexpensive than me just being organized.

alison said...

Your library books are probably under my five-year-old's bed. Along with her library books, my library books, 412 Barbies, some rain boots, Jimmy Hoffa, a tennis ball and probably one or more of Angelina and Brad's children.

Please post before and after pix of squash. I want to guess which one is Frodo.

Mommy Melee said...

Awesome. Now I have another image to add to my mental library of Sam and Frodo getting it on.

Also, thank you for the sweet comment. (Sweet in the sincere way, not the surfer way. Or both.)

Krista said...

I just checked out your blog link on BHJ's site.
That was the best 5 mintues and 2 seconds I've experienced in ages.
I about fell off my chair laughing...whilst peeing my pants!!
Jozet, dah-ling...that was pure genius!
BHJ certainly got his just dues!
ps...I'll start looking for your library books; they're probably mating somewhere with my kids' lost library books under some dirty laundry somewhere...

Anonymous said...

Holy smokes! Where do you find the time to do all that and give the kids 3 squares of anything. I've resorted to letting mine drink from the hose and forage for acorns in the backyard. It builds character.

Love the outtake and the costumes. Library books, by the way, all converge in the same place with missing black socks.

-KK (who can't remember her blogger id - I knew college war on my brain cells would catch up someday)

Stefanie said...

I'd like to add something to the To Do list: 17) eat Heathy Choice ice cream sandwich. 18) Damn. Too delicious. Eat another one. 19) Eat one more ice cream sandwich bring grand total of calories up to way more than had I just had a regular one.

But maybe that's just my typical day.

preTzel said...

LOLOL! Your girls in the background cracked me up. The tambourine and the lit cell phone just added to the whole Elton John theme. ROLFMAO!

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I also vote for photos of carved squashes.

You haven't lived until you've had a couple of cicadas fly into your hair. I danced around like a crazywoman, while screaming like a little girl.

It was 17 years ago, but it feels like yesterday!

Angela said...

Good post no need to be proper

Natasha said...

Whahaha! I can't believe you said that about the community pool. I've been doing just that this week: letting the cholorine purify me. It seems to be working just fine actually. The only reason I washed my hair tonight was to get the chlorine out.

Also, we just tenatively checked out some books from the library for the first time in over a year. The reason the Library and me were "on a break"? I'm so tired of losing stuff and blaming it on the kids and paying late fees. JUST TODAY I had to return some videos and we can't find one Berenstain Bears video. I get one day's grace. So tommorrow, guess what my kids are doing?

Jane said...

Please post a follow up listing all of the strange google search results you get from people who end up on your site while looking for practical jokes involving produce.

Anonymous said...

what. the. hell.

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