First Comes Love, Then Come Marriage...

Then comes

laundry, laundry, laundry, laundry
work, work, work, work
up at 6 AM for skating
Monday, Tuesday, Friday, then it's
didja get your homework done? why not? why not? just get it done!
just do it now, c'mon don't you get it?
just do it now and get it done
you'll have the whole night free and easy
with nothing else to do but play....

DID ANYBODY FEED THESE CATS? THESE CATS ARE
NIBBLING ON MY CALVES!
JUST FEED THESE CATS YOU WANTED CATS THEY'RE NOT MY CATS
JUST FEED YOUR CATS

what's this paper? where'd it come from?
this paper here was due last week
with fifteen dollars
and my signature
under the other paper? another paper?
paperspaperspaperspaperspaperspaperspaperspaperspapers
Okay, I'll give you each five dollars
for the jump-a-thon at school THAT'S IT
go bug the neighbors, pound the pavement, whaddaya think? I'm made of money?

who dumped a whole entire box
of fish food in the goldfish tank?
I'm asking WHO?
I'm asking WHY?
I'm asking...
I'm not even going to deal with this right now.

It's off to
gymnastics, soccer, gymnastics, soccer, gymnastics, soccer, gymnastics, soccer
it's 41 degrees and sleeting, they'll call the game off,
it has to be
surely they won't expect seven year olds
to play a full game in the sleet
I can't believe I spent the afternoon
standing in the cold and sleet
and it's
twenty dollars for the tournament,
ninety dollars for the camp,
eleven dollars every forty-five minutes on the ice and in the rink

swing by the school to drop off cupcakes
swing by the school to volunteer
swing by the school to pick-up fundraisers
swing by the school to...I forget

now Girl Scouts, Girl Scouts, Girl Scouts, Girl Scouts
filling forms and forms and forms
meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings,
camping outside in the woods!

holy crap!

I FORGOT I HAVE A TODDLER!
WHERE'S THE TODDLER?!!
WHO LEFT THE BACK DOOR OPEN?!!
HAS ANYONE FED THE CATS?
DID THE CATS EAT HIM?!!!

phew. found him.
playing in the bathroom
stuffing the toilet with
a cat.

Now school recital, dance recital, skating recital, all at once.
Year end class party, May Fair party, track and field day, all at once.
Don't forget to practice piano!
Ten more minutes on violin!
You owe me when you skipped last Saturday
and pay it forward for next week.

Five more minutes on the computer.
Five more minutes reading books.
Five more minutes, get your teeth brushed
It's orthodontistopthamologistdentistpediatrician
bright and early before school

NOW LIGHTS OUT!

No. No. No. No.
Go to bed. Go to sleep.
No. No.
Yes, one glass of water.
No, whaddaya think this is an all-night diner?
Kitchen closed an hour ago.
Oh yeah? Well, I double-dog dare you to starve in your sleep.
Go to bed. Go to sleep.
I love you.
Good night.

Yes, I love you.
I'll prove it to you

someday.

Now laundry, laundry, laundry, laundry,
dishes, dishes, dishes, dishes,
feed the cat and feed the other cat,
crawl to bed and dream about
waking up.


23 comments:

Backpacking Dad said...

If there were a contest, you'd have won. But I think it's more of a carnie game and it's rigged, so no giant Wall-E doll for you.

Kath said...

And then they grow up and move away and we wish we could do it all over again. Or so I've been told...

Redneck Mommy said...

Sheesh woman.

I told you to stop peeking in my windows and writing poems about my life.

I've been told that once the kids move out it starts all over again with the damn grandkids.

It's a vicious cycle. Dammit.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It doesn't change much as they get older--well, the checks get bigger (hard to fathom, I know).

Rima said...

Reading this made me feel so much better. I mean, in a "thank you for sharing" way, not in a "sure sucks to be you!" kind of way.

It's why we don't have any cats or participate in after school activities.

Jozet at Halushki said...

Lol...yes, the checks are getting bigger as we speak. The "high price" of diapers and formula is bubble-gum money in comparison.

And there is a poem in me somewhere about enjoying it all (and being very glad we don't also have a dog to walk), but the month of May and everything coming to a head/end before the summer is especially exhausting.

Jonathan said...

That was a great read! Thank you for sharing your month of May with us.

I *WISH* I was dealing with that kinda life right now. Instead I'm dealing with:

Why are you smoking?
Don't you know I have asthma and that is seriously bad for you?!
You're drinking too?
Who is giving you smokes and beer?
You have a boyfriend?
OMG, his dad has been my arch enemy since grade school!
You want to move out?
How are you going to get by when you don't have a job?
You don't even help with laundry.
You want to quit school too?

And it goes on and on...

Well, she doesn't even live with me, but I'm dad so I need to *try* to get to the bottom of this. Maybe if she lived with me it would be different.

Jozet at Halushki said...

Jonathan,

Thank you for putting it in perspective. We just had a conversation about why some people think a size 6 is "fat" and why that's wrong and why do boys think its fun to try to look at girls without their clothes on. Oy.

Julie Pippert said...

There you go again, strumming my pain with your fingers, singing my life with your words.

slouching mom said...

Yep. That's it, all right.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

The Ode to May. May is especially heinous isn't it? I feel like I've been hit by a truck and it isn't even halfway done.

Kyddryn said...

That. Was. Awesome!!

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Professor J said...

Don't forget to breathe.

mamatulip said...

Yes.

That's just it.

Marinka said...

I wish cats would learn to feed themselves. And the kids. There's no good reason why they can't whip up a casserole.

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

Oh yeah. I'm with you. Right down to losing track of the toddler.

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

PapersPapersPapersPapersPapers!

Bravo!

Angela said...

Children do make the day a bit more busy.

Variations On A Theme said...

And all this time I thought you were eating bon bons...

dianeinjapan said...

Incredible. You're a genius. A harried, hilarious genius.

cIII said...

I laughed so much at this I fucking Cried. Funny tears, not-sad, sad, why are these smallish type People trying to eat my soul-tears.

Also, Do you know how many Fabric Softener Sheets you can put in your back pocket during a heavy laundry day without looking like Vern Troyer has subletted your ass? 17. The answer is 17.

Also, also, a cat in place of a plunger or a pipe snake is soooooo much better. And way more Badass.

preTzel said...

Stop peeking in my mirrors woman!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Oh my. Oh no. I have a four year old and a one year old. I thought this was going to get BETTER when they start school.

Oh my. Oh, no.

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