Gone With Some Fish

Child 1: How was work last night?

Mother: Good. Busy. How was movie night last night?

Child 1: Good! We watched Gone With The Wind.

Mother: You did! Wow!

Child 1: Yup.

Mother: Well, what did you think? I know it wasn't Little Mermaid or Pixar, but I think it's time we start watching some...other classics, you know? Really get into some great films together as a family, things we can talk about and all enjoy together.

Child1: Except you were at work.

Mother: That's right. Well. Hmmm. You know Gone With The Wind is pretty long. You watched the whole thing last night?

Child 1: Yup.

Mother: Really?

Child 2: Yes. It was weird.

Mother: Weird how?

Child 2: Did that little girl, Bonnie, die?

Mother: Oh...yes. She did. Did that upset....

Child 1: And why was that one guy called "Ashley"? That was ridiculous. Ashley is a girl's name.

Mother: Well, not really in all cases....

Child 2: I liked Scarlett.

Child 1: Yeah, I liked her.

Child 2: She was weird.

Mother: Weird in a...good way?

Child 1: And there was a bad word at the end.

Mother: It's a very famous movie line.

Child 2: We know. We know. That's what Daddy told us. We know.

Mother: So, what did you think of the story?

Child 2: It was confusing.

Child 1: It was great. I liked it a lot.

Mother: Oh yes? Wonderful! Tell me some of the things you liked.

Child 2: All the costumes!

Child 1: And the horses!

Child 2: And the people!

Child 1: I really liked that guy Fred.

Child 2: I liked Scarlett, but she was weird.

Mother: Hold on, hold on.

Child 1 : What?

Mother: Fred? I don't remember a Fred.

Child 1: You know, Fred Butler. The main guy. The guy who says the bad word at the end.


Child 2: Yeah, he said the D word.

Mother: Wait. You mean to tell me that you watched umpteen hours of one of the greatest and most romantic movies of all time, and the entire time you thought the lead male character was named "Fred"?

Child 1: Fred Butler.


Child 2: It was a weird movie.

Child 1: But we liked it! Really, Mommy!


Child 1 and 2: We're going to go play now.

(Children exit.)


Father: Hey.

Mother: Do you know that when they watched Gone With The Wind last night, the entire time they thought that Rhett Butler's name was "Fred"?

Father: Well....

Mother: What?

Father: I don't think they watched the whole movie.

Mother: Then how did they know the ending?

Father: I think they only watched the second side of the disc.


Father: I don't know. It did seem kind of brief.

Mother: Well, did the war last longer or shorter than a weekend?


(Father exits.)

Mother: Fred Butler.


Sarah said...

LOL at least they watched some of it!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

They'll go to school tomorrow and tell everyone about the weird movie they watched with Fred and the bad word at the end.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I like Fred, but he was kind of weird.

anne said...

"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."

I repeat this 20 times when I'm out feeding the goats.

sheena said...

lmao. guess your presence is NOT optional during family movie time.

Anonymous said...

"frankly charlotte, i don't give a darn" fred butler (without the bad word)

cIII said...

Fred Butler....I dunno. It could be worse.

I mean, Soylent Green could very well be made of Steeple. Or peep Hole.

Also, "the D word"?

I wasn't aware the Fred Butler called anyone a "Doucher".

Life As I Know It said...

Fred doesn't have quite the same ring as Rhett...but I like it!

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

Fred Butler. That was awesome.

S said...


Fred Butler said...

My google alert directed me to this page. I don't think I had a big laugh in quite a while.

Fred Butler

josetteplank.com said...


My daughter adored you in Gone With The Wind.


Amy said...

I'll never watch it again without thinking of Fred Butler!


Meg McCormick said...

LOVE IT! But they'll probably just keep repeating the bad-word line because they know that if they are quoting, it's OK to say it. Yes?

Jill said...

Fred Butler works... could have been Harvey Korman's name in that Carol Burnett skit! lol

manda said...

Crikey! That is classic! An old friend of mine watched Gone with the Wind when it was re-released in theatres. He left at intermission. What a spaz!

Moobs said...

"You mean to tell me that you watched umpteen hours of one of the greatest and most romantic movies of all time, and the entire time you thought the lead male character was named "Fred"?"

I guess that's a RHETTorical question.

... oh please yourselves.

Marinka said...

Since when is "damn" a bad word?

josetteplank.com said...

"Since when is 'damn' a bad word?"

Oddly enough, the same kids "on the bus" who told my kids that "balls" and "pecker" were bad words, also told them that "damn" was a bad word.

I live in a grey area myself where I'd rather not have genitalia euphemisms bandied about at the dinner table, but I'm okay with "damn". But the kids on the bus have spoken. "Damn" is a bad word. I'm also not allowed to say "hell" or "crap" without getting shocked looks from my kids. It's like living with a couple of nuns who think poop jokes are hilarious.

Kelly said...

Frankly my darling, Fred does sound a bit more hip than Rhett.

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