Second, that's what she said.
Third, questions from myReaders about eReaders!
In this post, I'll tackle Fairly Odd Mother's question:
Fairly Odd Mother asks - or says -
I would miss thumbing actual pages. I'd miss looking ahead a few pages and saying to myself, "ahhhh, it'll be ok", or "ooo, can't wait until I'm there!" while holding my finger in the place I'm at. I don't think I'd like the glare of the screen on my eyes. Or the size which is like a notepad, not an open book.
I like texting, would love an ipad, plan to get a Droid soon, but I have zero desire for an eReader. Can you convince me?
This is usually the first protest of Real Book People.
I know it was the first thing I said when I heard about the existence of an electronic device that would possibly threaten to beat-up and replace my beloved, dog-eared tomes. I said
This technogadget ain't no book and I like a book.
And I do.
I like the smell, the heft, the papery rustle, the feel of the smooth or not-smooth cover on a honest-to-goodness book. I like the thought of some older edition being in the hands of so many other people before me, all of us sharing the same experience and adventure as we read about Jane Eyre and that horrible/dashing Mr. Darcy, or the young lover Romeo wooing Ethel, the pirate's daughter. I also like being able to fling a paperback from across the room at a cat about to vomit on my rug.
You definitely can't do that with a $149 technogadget.
Unless you really love your rug and hate your cat.
But what I like the very most about most books - except possibly 500 Adorable Kittens Who Love You or The Snuggie Sutra - is the words inside them.
And that's what an eReader is great at delivering: Words, words, words, and more words.
As far as being a Sneaky Pete, I, too, will here and now admit to being one of the most craven of the craven - a reader who pages ahead because I have no patience for 5,000 more words about drunk Irishmen until I get to The Good Part in Finnegan's Wake.
And when the last Harry Potter came out, I turned immediately to the last page to find out how it all ended. I did that. No lie.
(Spoiler Alert: Harry marries Ron and they open a surf shop in Bournemouth.)
You can still do all that with an eReader. Best of all, you can page ahead without actually turning an actual page and thus having to attempt to hide your shameful habit from the accusing eyes of other more morally inclined humanReaders.
Instead of cowering in the janitor's closet at the library to find out whether Elinor Dashwood finally hooks Darcy and reels him in, you can know for sure if it's going to be worth your time and patience to suffer through twenty more poorly lit gala balls - only you can indulge in your taboo in full daylight with just a click, click, click of the thumb or a furtive tap on the screen to turn the page.
No one else will ever know.
You can thank me later.
Now, that paper feel we like so much...what to do?
Well, what I've done is to fashion a pair of gloves from an ordinary brown paper bag. This way, not only do I get the feel of papery goodness only on my fingertips, but it's an all-over paperific experience. Think of it! With paper gloves covering the most exquisitely tactile appendage on your body, every tiny motion will be as if plunging your entire hand into the combined works of Shakespeare and Dickens! Or Moby Dick! Except without that greasy feel afterward!
If a full glove is too much, then fingertip paper-condoms will work as well.
Me, I've also made brown paper underwear to wear while reading, but that has less to do with my eReader and more to do with...
As far as the screen goes, both the Nook and NookCOLOR eReaders have a non-glare protective film you can purchase separately, if you're so inclined.
Even if you're upright. Or uptight.
But honestly, with the original nOoK, because the screen is rendered in glorious E Ink - electronic paper - the glare is minimal. E Ink looks like words on paper. It really does. Seriously.
In fact, it looks so much like paper, that you can bring the original nook with you to the beach, to the pool, out in your backyard while you supervise your children raking leaves, or shooting squirrels, etc. and the contrast is better, the screen gets brighter. None of that bothersome hand-shielding or looking for a shady bower that comes with trying to read a backlit LED screen (see: cell phone and laptop.)
The trade off is that reading your original NOOK eReader at night means you need a book light. But you were using a book light anyway with your Real Books. So. You know. Concern mute. Or moot. Maybe both, I'm too lazy to look it up.
The other great thing about all eReaders?
For those of us pushing the age of extreme maturity but who are too cool to admit we need reading glasses, the Nook offers six text sizes: Ridiculous, Okay, Big, Large Print, Billboard, and Criminees! Just Go Put On Your Reading Glasses Already!
I can actually read longer and more comfortably with my eReader than with a regular book because as my eyes get tired, I can increase the font size.
Plus, I'm wearing paper bag underpants.
Plus, holding an eReader looks cooler than almost any reading glasses (that I can afford.)
Plus, holding an eReader makes you look especially cool if you're reading yet another Jane Austen novel because after the story of Elizabeth's ghost sweeping in from the moors to haunt Mr. Darcy, you just want more and more Gothic Science Fiction no matter how nerdy you look reading this genre.
In fact, just think of how many heartless beatings a eReader could prevent each year among our middle school romantic geek girls? I weep for my youth.
I hope this has at least given you something to think about, Missy.
As far as the nookColor versus an iPad or a drOid, all I have to say is that I have no idea anymore what to capitalize and what to leave lower case in all these proper nouns. Holy Christmas, it's like e.e. cummings is teaching marketing classes at Wharton.
But here's what I tells people:
"People", I says. "People, is yous lookin' firstly fer a full color gadget dat's all bells and whistles and cyber noodling that yous can also read you a book on from time ta time?
Or is yous lookin' premarily for a full color book and magazine reader whichin yous can also do a yer web browsing on?
All a dem will play yer music, and all a dem wit a full color screen (not yer E Ink) will let ya watch yer videos, and all a dem is gonna eat up yer battrey like four spinsters wit one electronic 'massager', iffin' ya get my drift. And I tink you do.
Then yous got yer check book and how much money ya got, and da colorNook will do ya right by that. Unless yer a flippin' millionaire, to which I says 'God Bless, Gov'ner, and let me gives ya my address to sends me one o' each!' "
I don't really say all that.
But sometimes I do.
A thing to remember about any nook product is - most importantly perhaps - that any time you have your nooK in a Barnes and Noble store, you can read any eBook for free for up to an hour.
So, if you're stopping by for coffee and soup every day at noon, you can settle-in with the newest James Patterson or Nicholas Sparks romance book and read it for free. And, again, without drawing down the scornful gaze of the literari snobberati sitting next to you drinking a 1/4" foam latte and plowing through Ulysses and pretending to enjoy it.
Unless said customer is also tripping balls on acid and then, okay, maybe she's reading Ulysses and genuinely enjoying it. To each her own.
(Warning: Please do not come into our store tripping balls on acid. We find it entertaining to only speak pig latin to customers who are high, and then make it a game to see who can convince the stoned customer to buy $700 worth of Rosetta Stone language learning CD-ROMs so they can re-learn English.)
(Not really. But honestly, go to Wal-Mart if you're tripping. You'll have more fun.)
As I get more questions about my nook, I'll answer them in another post. I see that Mommy Needs Therapy has a question in the comments about nook versus Kindle.
I know I'm promoting products through Amazon on my side bar there, but only because other stores don't sell dog sweaters or skating pants. Or dog skates and sweater pants.
Also, because I'm craven and I'll put up ads from whoever it is styles me a few bucks now and then to pay for my LSD and all the Rosetta Stone's I've purchase with my credit card.
But, I will answer all questions as honestly and accurately as I can. I harbor no ill will toward other eReaders, and - in fact - any device that puts more books in the hands of more people, I'm all for.
I just happen to have my hand more often on my nook, so I can talk about it at length.
I have to go to work now and be awesome.
And people the world with eReaders.