Mother: I'm going to be gone for a half hour.
Child Old Enough To Know Better: Okay.
Mother: I have my cell phone. Do you have your cell phone?
Child (OETKB): Yes.
Mother: Is it charged?
Mother: Okay, so, just don't cook anything while I'm gone. Got it?
Mother: No, I mean it. Have a sandwich or yogurt or something.
Mother: Alright, I'm going.
Fifteen minutes later....
Cell phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!
Same Child: Uh...it's not doing it now, but there was smoke coming out of the microwave.
Mother: WHAT! CALL 911!
Child: Nothing is on fire or anything....
Mother: SMOKE! I told you not to cook! I told you to make a sandwich!
Child: Yeah...I tried to warm up a slice of lunch meat...it's kind of smoking....
Mother: You tried to...?! I left giving you one rule: Do. Not. Burn. House. Down.
Child: Well, I didn't.
Child: I just burned down a piece of ham.
Mother: You are only allowed to eat cottage cheese from now on.
Mother: For the rest of your life.
Child: Cottage cheese is pretty good warmed up, isn't it?