Figure Skating Homeschool Test


Language Arts

1. Summarize the plot of Romeo and Juliet. If characterizing the role of Juliet for your Intermediate Free Skate, which combination spin would best express her realization upon waking that Romeo has died? Do you think the real Juliet would include a Besti Squat in her skating performance; why or why not?

2. Use ten adjectives to describe the year-long process of learning an axel.

3. Write a persuasive paragraph on one of the following topics:
  • Michelle Kwan is the best skater of all time and should have won gold at the 1998 Olympics. 
  • 6.0 judging system is preferable to IJS (or vice versa) 
  • Why “they” should bring back figures  
  • Try to convince your mom to let you sleep in, even though she prepaid $400 in practice ice for the month.


Geography

1. Matching

A. Broadmoor Figure Skating Club              Aston, PA
B. Liberty Summer Competition                 London, Ontario 
C. 2013 World Figure Skating Championships    Montreal, Quebec
D. One of the first indoor skating rinks      Colorado Springs, CO

2. Fill In The Blank

Chelsea Sky Rink overlooks the ______________ River.

Kim Yuna moved from the country of ___________ to train with Brian Orser in the country of ___________.

Tugba Karademir learned to skate at the first ice rink in the country of ____________.


Science

True or False

T or F  A Paramount blade with a stainless steel runner is stronger than a carbon steel blade.

T or F  To accelerate during a camel spin, you should bring both arms out straight from your side and parallel to the ice like an airplane.

T or F Warmer ice (-2.2 to -3.9 degrees Celsius) allows figure skaters to better hold a skating edge than colder ice.

T or F Warmer ice is softer and feels fluffy when you fall on it.

Extra credit:  Explain why cold rinks make you pee more often.


Math

1. Flying sit spin to cannonball position for eight revolutions, back tuck for two revolutions with all five judges giving a +1 GOE. Calculate the final point value.

2. You are skating from 3:00 PM until 3:45 PM. On the ice are three Intermediate level skaters practicing for next week’s regional competition, two dance couples, four lower level skaters in lessons, four teen girls hanging out in the corner talking about something they read on Facebook, and some kid who wandered over from public ice. Calculate how many times you will have to circle the rink before executing and landing one double lutz.


History and Social Studies

1. What is the connection between Janet Lynn and Japan?
A. She bought a karaoke bar in Tokyo
B. She designs a collection of skating dresses that look like kimonos 
C. She won the hearts of Japanese skating fans with her free skate performance at the Sapporo Olympics 
D. She owns an Akita


2. The Swiss are such good spinners because
A. They’ve made a pact with the devil 
B. There’s something in the chocolate 
C. The mountain altitude decreases friction 
D. They pay more for the privilege

3. Explain why some people might have a problem with this costume and dance choreography.





Music

1. Choose selections from three different Rachmaninoff compositions to piece together a 2:15 minute Juvenile level program. You may only duplicate one selection that Michelle Kwan skated to.

2. Which of the following songs are you certain to hear at any low level competition:
A. Por Una Cabeza, by Carlos Gardel 
B. Tango De Los Exilados, by Walter Taieb 
C. Otonal, by Raul Di Blasio 
D. He’s A Pirate, by Hans Zimmer 
E. All of the above. Twice sometimes. 
F. Oh, gosh, I forgot about Czardas.

3. Listen to this song which is heavily used as skating program music. Thinking of the story of Carmen, explain why this song would not generally be appropriate for a seven year old girl to skate to. Even though they sometimes do.




Art and Dance

1. Using an off-the-rack Del Arbour skating dress and 500 Swarovski crystals of different sizes, bedazzle the dress three different ways appropriate for 1) a short program to Phantom, 2) an interpretive-artistic program to Palladio (that song they use on the De Beers commercials), and 3) to best hide bra straps.

2. Explain theatrical skating makeup and when enough is enough.

3. Do this... 


then this...

then this.


Now do it on ice.


Health/Gym

1. You are a 5’1” 11yo girl who weighs 100 pounds. You skate from 6:00 AM until 7:00 AM every morning before school. Considering both carbohydrate and protein needs and their effects on your energy stores and ability to rebuild muscle, describe what foods you might include in your AM pre-training meal, AM post-training meal, as well as your evening meal the night before.

2. You are a 5’1” 11yo girl who weighs 100 pounds. You’ve just skated at an important competition in front of a huge crowd and lots of international judges and completely bombed your program. Considering both the biophysical as well as psychologically soothing effects of both ice cream and chocolate, explain why your parents should still buy you a huge ice cream sundae with extra fudge, even though you didn’t win.

Bonus points: Explain why it’s okay for your mom to have a second glass of wine.

3. Write a brief paragraph to an imaginary audience of three public school gym teachers, a football coach, and the school board explaining to them why figure skating is a sport and figure skaters are athletes even though they wear sparkles. Then rip it up.

Bonus points: Burn it.

Extra bonus points: Take a conditioning class with kids who made fun of you for wearing sparkles and burn them on the speed and agility course.

12 comments:

Magpie said...

I love this.

Xan said...

Posted the links on Xanboni. So. Freaking. Brilliant. (Also, I'm pretty sure several of these questions are actually on the PSA Master Group exam, without irony. Because the PSA does NOT do irony.)

Bonus: capcha is bwahaha

Jessim said...

Brilliant!

MommyTime said...

This is completely and utterly brilliant. Particularly the math section. But, really, just all of it. Thank you for the great laugh.

Anonymous said...

This is awesome on so many levels!

Lori said...

The scary thing is I knew the answers to most of the questions. I would quibble over the question regarding the value of the flying combo spin. But on the whole absolutely hilarious!

Josette at Halushki said...

Thanks all! It was fun to write.

And THANK YOU @Xan! Holy smokes, you have some serious Internet swag - thanks for sending people here!

@Lori, glad you enjoyed it! I kinda knew that question might be iffy, least of all because I know that different people use "cannonball" to refer to different positions.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure IJS scoring requires an understanding of trigonometry and the possession of an abacus and slide rule. Maybe a protractor as well. :-D

Helicopter Mom said...

Love, love, LOVE this!!!!

Gigi said...

This was a hoot! Where can we get the answers... some of those I didn't know!! Lol!!

Unknown said...

I love it! (retired skater mom) Wish we could have used your test!

Ann Stephens said...

ROTFL! Thank you for bringing back some fond memories of being a skating mom. (And a whole lot of bad memories, lol!)

juliana said...

If I showed this to my skating friends, it would be hilarious. Love it!

If I showed this to my school friends, I'd get a lot of blank stares and confused looks. Awkward....

Love the post, I literally lol-ed.

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